Long Overdue Update

I haven't been feeling like blogging lately but that doesn't mean I've given up my weightloss efforts.  So I wanted to post a long overdue update. 


WEIGH IN

Since my last post in early January, I am down 10.7 pounds and down 112 total.  Incredible!  After I met my 100 pounds lost goal, I will admit I did ease up on the eating right and exercise and my loss stalled out for about 6 weeks.  But I got back on the wagon and in my past 5 weeks or so have dropped the 10.7.  This just goes to show that what they tell us is true....weightloss surgery is only a tool.  It does not solve every problem or relieve you of the responsibility to make the right choices.  Because the fact is as time goes by you will be able to eat more.  And when you eat junky stuff like chips, cookies, ice cream, you can eat alot more of that kind of stuff than you can lean protein and vegetables.  No, I can't pack those things away in the quantities I used to but clearly I can eat enough of them to keep me from losing.  And I feel fairly certain if I tried, I could gain weight even though I have a small stomach now.  I am doing most of the work at this point, with some support from my surgery.  I'm the one making the right choices (or not) and exercising my body (or not).  The surgery definitely helps with portion control and cravings, but I'm still the one doing the work.  I'm about 9 months out from surgery now and still no regrets.  I would do it again in a heart beat.


MEASUREMENTS
Since I last posted measurements in December, here are the results:


neck - -0.25/-3.0 total
bust - -3.5/-13.0 total
waist - +0.5/-12.5 total  (WTF???)

hips - -1.75/-9.25

I have a lot more measurement points than this, but I don't want to bore you with them.  In total, I am down 63 inches.  I have to admit I am very frustrated with my waist measurement.  I mean, really, UP half an inch over the course of 2 months?   I always get annoyed when I hear people asking how to spot reduce fat.  I'm like "Come on!  Every knows you can't spot reduce."  But now I am feeling desperate about my fat belly and find myself thinking "what can I do to shift this belly fat?"  I know, I know, you can't spot reduce.  It's just the frustration talking.  I must be patient and trust the process.  Changes are happening.

FITNESS

I'm still working out 3 times a week with my trainers at Fitness Together and am getting alot stronger.  One of my current fitness goals is to leg press 410 pounds because I want to be able press more than my trainer...who is a guy.  What can I say?  I'm feeling competitive.  My goal is to get there before Memorial Day.  I am currently able to press 300 so I think I can do it!

For the past 5 weeks I've also been doing the Couch to 5K training program 3 days a week on my day off of FT.  I can't believe I am RUNNING!  I've never been a runner.  Ever.  I mean, seriously.  EVER!  But running I am.  In fact, I did a 10K yesterday.  I didn't run the whole thing, I did walking/running intervals.  But I did start the race by running 21 minutes straight with no walking.  That is the longest period of running I have done.  After that I completed the race doing walking and running intervals the rest of the way and finished with a time of 1:25:33.  My goal was to finish under 1:30 so mission accomplished.  And I got a snazzy medal to show off for my efforts!

By evening, I was whooped!  My hamstrings and butt were so sore so I soaked in a hot tub and ended up snoozing hard by 9:00 that night.  I slept for 11 hours!  So, yeah, the 10K whooped my butt.  But I whooped it's butt too, so I guess we are even. 

All in all I am still doing well.  Feeling really happy with my progress!

Looking Back on 2011

I've been wanting to do "year in review" and "2012 goals" posts, I just took awhile getting around to it.  Rather than looking at this as procrastination, I'm taking it as a good sign that I feel like I am generally headed in the right direction and not feeling the pressure of the new year/clean slate/oh-my-god-this-is-my-one-chance-to-finally-do-it-right.

That said, I do like to look back on the year and now that I actually have had some success in achieving some goals, I am kind of looking forward to setting some new ones for 2012.

In January 2011, I followed Mizfit's inspiration and wrote my goals as though it were already December 31, 2011.  This was a really fun post to write and I plan on doing the same for the 2012 goals.  Below is a copy of what I wrote and I have added comments as to how I did in comparison to what my goal was. 

First off, I am now 100 pounds lighter [I was 99.2 pounds lighter on 12/31/11...I'm going to call this one good]. That's right, I hit the century mark as of 12/31/11. Being 100 pounds lighter feels amazing [it does]. I no longer have back pain when I walk or when I wake up in the morning [back pain is completely gone and I sleep like a baby]. I can shop and do normal everyday things without breaking into a sweat [this is one of the best things about having lost so much weight.  I used to be so miserable and worn out from just the simplest things like goign to the grocery store.  I used to be able to run maybe one errand and it would wipe me out for the day.  No more.  I go and go and go.  I don't think twice about how far I may have to walk.  It's a non-issue now]. My ankles don't swell anymore and even the callouses on my feet are improving [yep]. While I still have quite a bit of weight to lose, I now know I can enter a room and meet new people without feeling like they are taken aback by my size [this is true.  I actually feel like I look pretty good now.  I don't worry about how I appear to people nearly as much as I used to].

Being 100 pounds lighter has made me feel so much better about my appearance and as a result, I've started putting more effort into my clothes, hair, and makeup [I'm getting to be a frou-frou girl again.  I like it.  I've let my hair grow out.  I am taking better care of my skin.  I have heard many times that I am "glowing"]. I take more time in the morning making sure I look professional at work [definitely dressing more professional these days...wearing jackets and (gasp!) the occasional dress!]. Yes, I'm still shopping at the usual big girl stores, but I am no longer busting out of their largest sizes [when I started was busting out of size 26/28.  Now I am wearing size 14/16 tops and 18 bottoms.  I'm getting ready to have some of my better stuff tailored down so I can continue to wear it] and I have more choices because more things look flattering on me [think dresses!  I love getting to feel feminine again] . I now own more than just black pants [brown, grey, blue, cream, and even some with patterns...herringbone and plaid]!

Losing this first 100 pounds has given me so much confidence in myself and in my ability to make a lasting change and to choose a healthier way of living [so true, I feel so much more calm and relaxed at this point in my journey because I know that I have the tools I need to achieve my goal and stay there.  I just know it]. In prior years I agonized over my weight and doubted myself while doing nothing but gaining . But those days are ancient history now. And the best part is, I am not doing anything different that what I have always known I needed to do....eat less (and more healthfully) (with some help from my smaller stomach) and move more. Simple, simple, simple....once you get your head right, that is. And my head is definitely right. No, I am not perfect (even with my smaller stomach). But the days where I make the more healthy choice far (like reallly REALLY far) outnumber the days that I don't. And on the days that I don't, I no longer berate myself and allow it spin me out of control for days/weeks/months. I just shrug it off and move forward. And about all those years of struggling? Well, I don't regret those. I look at those as part of what I had to go through for things to finally click. It's all been part of the journey. I can see that now.

Another wonderful change I have made in my life during 2011 is that I learned to set boundaries at work. Crazy long hours, working every weekend, giving absolutely everything to my employer is done (because I quit my job and got a new one....a promotion even....and way less hours). They no longer own me 24/7, they just rent my time for a limited number of hours a week. At the beginning of 2011 I began tracking my working hours everyday so that I would be completely aware of the hours and help me to not slide down the slippery slope of excessive work again (I didn't do so hot at tracking my hours.  I tried really hard to get some work-life balance at my former employer of 10 years, but I finally saw the writing on the wall and decided to move on.  My last day at my old job was November 3.  So I did spend most of the year still locked in this battle for balance.  But I finally did what was right for me....and I haven't looked back). For the most part I worked 40-45 hours per week, occasionally as much as 50 but only when there were some really big things going down (My hours are pretty much 40 at this point.  And I haven't worked a weekend since I started my new job.  As for boundaries, let me give you an example....one day was scheduled to work out with my trainer at 6:30.  He needed to reschedule for earlier.  I knew I couldn't get there as early as he wanted to be so I nearly told him I'd just skip it.  Instead, I emailed my boss, told him I had a personal appointment I needed to take care of and needed to leave 30 minutes early.  How do you like me now?).

I learned that much like counting my WW Points to make sure my eating is in balance, counting my work hours helped to keep my work/life in balance too. And since I know I have a limited number of hours at the office, I spend them more wisely. I spend 30-60 minutes each morning when I first arrive at the office just planning and managing what needs to be done (I do this sometimes, but not consistently.  I still have plenty of room for improvementon time management skills). Getting a grip on the day, so to speak, so that I can most effectively use my time to continue to produce the high quality work that I want to while still getting the heck out of there at a reasonable time each day. I delegate more and have increased the expectations I have for my employees and from this I learned that people, in general, will rise to what is expected of them.

I took every single one of my vacation days this year (I did) and didn't feel guilty about a single one (I didn't). I had to work consciously on this one because I do work around, with, and for, some very competitive and workaholic people and that has a tendency to rub off on me. But I was able to remind myself whenever tempted to cave into that pressure that that is THEIR choice on how they want to live their lives. I want to live mine differently. I want more in it than just work work work and now I have it. This change has probably made me happier even than losing the 100 pounds (definitely true.  Now that I have more time for myself I have absolutely no idea how I was able to work the kind of hours I was working for as long as I did.  It was pure insanity.  And pure hell.  Life is so much better now). Heck, I couldn't have lost the 100 pounds if I hadn't made this change.

I also completed my MBA in 2011 (finished in May!  Yahoo!!!). I was so thrilled both with the accomplishment and with the additional time that this freed up in my schedule that I threw my very first soiree since moving to my new fabulous place back in 2009. I just had to celebrate! My good friends came and we ate, drank, and were merry (Didn't get this one accomplished as I was still working crazy hours and being beaten down by it).

There was so much good stuff in my life during 2011 that I hardly even recognize my life now compared to 2010 (and that's a good thing...a very good thing). I am healthier and live a much more balanced life (fo' sho'). I instituted "Sunday Funday" into my life (started out with this early on but fizzled out fairly quickly). This was a committment to myself to take time weekly to recharge my batteries and spend an entire day doing only things that I WANTED to do and nothing that I NEEDED to do. In committing to take time for myself, I started doing things I used to enjoy - I read 12 books this year just for the shear pleasure of it (I don't think i made it to 12, but I did read 6 books in November - December alone....the same time I started my new job.  Coincidence?  I think not.) and ended up joining a local book club which expanded my horizons not only literarily, but socially (Did not get around to this). I went to movies again (Lots of them). I started cooking more again and enjoyed trying new recipes every month (not really, will try again this year). I became a regular at my local farmer's market (nope, but mostly because I am using my Saturday mornings to workout with my trainer, so I am pretty OK with my choice). I reconnected with friends that I have neglected in recent years (My favorite reconnection of the year was getting to meet up with my cousin who I hadn't seen since 1995.  I wrote about her and a condundrum I was facing here.  I'm ashamed to say I avoided the baptism because of my weight.  But am so glad we finally did get together otherwise). I booked regular facial appointments with Miracle-Worker Maria, my favorite esthetician, and my skin has never looked better (I did this early in the year...mostly for my "Sunday Funday" and then ended up going to the dermatologist who recommended acne facewash like teenagers use.  My skin does look great and it only cost my $5 to wash my face for a month rather than $100 for a facial). I spent time discovering the Dallas-Ft Worth area. I was overlooking so much that has been in my own back yard for over 15 years (didn't get around to this). I experienced the joy of the lazy Sunday afternoon nap (oh yes, I did...zzzzzzzz...sleep is delicious).

I walked in the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure in Fort Worth in April just like I did last year (did not do this in April but I did do a different local 5K in December). But this time I did it without huffing and puffing and resting. No old ladies passed me by like they did last year and no one offered me their water bottle with a look of terror in their eyes that I might keel over right in front of them (you can say that again....I was a walking machine, finishing with a time of 46:10...and then I went to a session with my trainer immediately afterwards!  I am a rockstar, if I do say so myself). I enjoyed it so much and it's such a good cause, that I walked again in the Race for the Cure in Plano in October (nope, just one 5K in 2011). I've even started making plans to walk the Breast Cancer 3-Day walk in 2012. (Making plans with my friend Julie to possibly do the Chicago 3 day in October.  Still trying to firm up plans/committments.  If we do, I will need to start training soon.)  The only question is what city and which of my blogger friends can I get to do it with me? :)

I took some trips this year. In April I visited my friend Julie in KC. She just had her second baby. Last time I was there was after her first and her first is now 4 and a half years old. A shameful long time not to visit good friends, but we enjoyed ourselves immensely (had a wonderful time and her new little boy is sweet and laid back and precious.  Her 4 year old daughter is a pistol and cool as hell!)  I took a short weekend trip to the Texas Hill Country during bluebonnet season and came back with some beautiful photographs (did not make this happen). I took several long weekends throughout the year to go back home to Iowa and spend time with family (only once but I had my Grandpa down here to visit in November too). And I finally did something I've been wanting to do for awhile now and spent a week at the Biggest Loser resort in Ivins, UT in September. It was a great experience working hard with some kickass trainers and connecting with other similarly minded people. The hiking was amazing. Not just the beauty of the surroundings, but also the fact that I could actually DO IT (Was an amazing experience that I blogged about in September....check my list of labels lower down on the blog and click Biggest Loser Fitness Ridge to get to my daily posts from that trip)!

I love my house and this year I made it even more of the oasis that I feel one's home should be (this is still a work in progress). I finally found the perfect art piece to go above the mantle in my living room (just ordered it from art.com 2 weeks ago and am awaiting delivery). I had Kim, a decorator I know, help me do something beautiful and restful in my master bedroom. It is now a truly calming respite, just as a bedroom should be (was not able to get to this this year). Another thing I did to make my house an oasis is I spent time throughout the year decluttering and organizing (got a small start on this towards the end of the year, but still have lots more to do). I got rid of alot of stuff that I never use (lots of stuff went to Goodwill, including bags and bags of too big clothes!). I organized my home office and went paperless with as many of my bills and bank statements as I could to limit the paper that comes into my house (um....not so much.  Is high on my priority list for 2012). I even got the junk in my garage out of here (I made a REALLY big dent in the garage, but still have some work to do)! It's so freeing to come into a house where the only things in it are things that I actually use and things that I love. I'll say it again. I LOVE my house. Even more now than when I first bought it. I couldn't be happier here (very true, even if I didn't achieve all my 2011 goals surrounding it).

Whew! Big year for me. But I guess you can do and enjoy more when you have the time and the health for it. Life is good. And it's only just begun.  (I believe this with every inch of my shrinking body.  There were some things I didn't get done this year, but I did accomplish quite a bit.  The biggest thing is I have gotten my balance back, both in terms of work-life and in terms of my weight and health.  With this things in check, I can't begin to imagine how much is going to happen for me in 2012.  Wait, yes I can.  And I am going to post about it....soon!)


Big Thanks to Mizfit for this awesome idea.  I plan to make it an annual tradition!

Weigh-in: 3.5 down, 109.2 to go

Wow, what a difference Hardwork! Dedication! makes.  (shout out to Dolvett!)

I tracked my food every day on MyFitnessPal and worked out 6 out of 7 days this weeks and the results speak for themselves.  This puts me within 7 pounds of my first 100 pound goal.  I want to get this done by the end of 2011.  Totally doable if I just keep doing what I am doing.

I should be able to do that.  I feel like I have my groove back.  I am noticing tons of changes in regards to my fitness and my Fitness Together trainers have been working me even harder because I can handle it.

I also finally started doing cardio at home between my T/Th/Sat workouts with my trainers.  I've been trying to use some of the cardio workouts we learned at the Biggest Loser Resort.  One of them is called "treading" where basically you warm up, then go as hard as you can for 5 minutes, active recovery for 5 minutes, hard as you can for 4 minutes, active recovery for 4 minute, and on down through 3, 2, 1.

I do this on the treadmil, varying my speeds through the workout.  This week my "hard as you can" was getting too fast to walk comfortably so I JOGGED!  Seriously.  Me.  Jog.  Never would have seen me doing  that.  Granted, was a very slow pace (4.3 mph) but it was jogging nonetheless.  I am so excited about this.  I love seeing the fitness changes.  It is so motivating for me.  I find myself finally enjoying exercise and wanting to challenge and push myself to do more and more.

I've already been thinking about my 2012 goals and one of them is that I want to do at least one 5K each month in 2012.  Then I thought, "Heck, why not start now?"  So I am signed up for a local 5K this weekend.  It is actually an offroad walk supporting a nature trail in town that I didn't even know existed.  I plan to walk it since it will be uneven terrain and I am not at all an experienced runner.  I am really looking forward to it.  And to tell you how dedicated to exercise I have become lately, I still plan to work out with my trainers that day after I do a 5K.  Who am I?????  I don't know, but I definitely like the change.

Changes I noticed this week:

• A couple of the jackets I recently bought for work that were a smidge too small (couldn't button the comfortably) I can now button.
• Taking a bubble bath this week, I noticed that I can fill the tub alot fuller because I am smaller and displace much less water that I used to.  That's one I wouldn't have foreseen.

I'm feeling great these days and am really looking forward to what I am going to accomplish going forward!

2011 - A Year In Review

No, that's not a typo in the post title.  I took inspiration from MizFit's recent post and decided to write my New Year's resolutions/goals/to-do-list/whatever-you-want-to-call-it from the perspective that it is 12/31/11.  So sit back and let me tell you all the wonderful things I did and achieved in 2011.

First off, I am now 100 pounds lighter.  That's right, I hit the century mark as of 12/31/11.  Being 100 pounds lighter feels amazing.  I no longer have back pain when I walk or when I wake up in the morning.  I can shop and do normal everyday things without breaking into a sweat. My ankles don't swell anymore and even the callouses on my feet are improving.  While I still have quite a bit of weight to lose, I now know I can enter a room and meet new people without feeling like they are taken aback by my size. 

Being 100 pounds lighter has made me feel so much better about my appearance and as a result, I've started putting more effort into my clothes, hair, and makeup.  I take more time in the morning making sure I look professional at work. Yes, I'm still shopping at the usual big girl stores, but I am no longer busting out of their largest sizes and I have more choices because more things look flattering on me.  I now own more than just black pants!

Losing this first 100 pounds has given me so much confidence in myself and in my ability to make a lasting change and to choose a healthier way of living.  In prior years I agonized over my weight and doubted myself while doing nothing but gaining.  But those days are ancient history now.  And the best part is, I am not doing anything different that what I have always known I needed to do....eat less (and more healthfully) and move more.  Simple, simple, simple....once you get your head right, that is.  And my head is definitely right.  No, I am not perfect.  But the days where I make the more healthy choice far outnumber the days that I don't.  And on the days that I don't, I no longer berate myself and allow it spin me out of control for days/weeks/months.  I just shrug it off and move forward.  And about all those years of struggling?  Well, I don't regret those.  I look at those as part of what I had to go through for things to finally click.  It's all been part of the journey.  I can see that now.

Another wonderful change I have made in my life during 2011 is that I learned to set boundaries at work.  Crazy long hours, working every weekend, giving absolutely everything to my employer is done.  They no longer own me 24/7, they just rent my time for a limited number of hours a week.  At the beginning of 2011 I began tracking my working hours everyday so that I would be completely aware of the hours and help me to not slide down the slippery slope of excessive work again.  For the most part I worked 40-45 hours per week, occasionally as much as 50 but only when there were some really big things going down. 

I learned that much like counting my WW Points to make sure my eating is in balance, counting my work hours helped to keep my work/life in balance too.  And since I know I have a limited number of hours at the office, I spend them more wisely.  I spend 30-60 minutes each morning when I first arrive at the office just planning and managing what needs to be done.  Getting a grip on the day, so to speak, so that I can most effectively use my time to continue to produce the high quality work that I want to while still getting the heck out of there at a reasonable time each day.  I delegate more and have increased the expectations I have for my employees and from this I learned that people, in general, will rise to what is expected of them. 

I took every single one of my vacation days this year and didn't feel guilty about a single one.  I had to work consciously on this one because I do work around, with, and for, some very competitive and workaholic people and that has a tendency to rub off on me.  But I was able to remind myself whenever tempted to cave into that pressure that that is THEIR choice on how they want to live their lives.  I want to live mine differently.  I want more in it than just work work work and now I have it.  This change has probably made me happier even than losing the 100 pounds.  Heck, I couldn't have lost the 100 pounds if I hadn't made this change.

I also completed my MBA in 2011.  I was so thrilled both with the accomplishment and with the additional time that this freed up in my schedule that I threw my very first soiree since moving to my new fabulous place back in 2009.  I just had to celebrate!  My good friends came and we ate, drank, and were merry.

There was so much good stuff in my life during 2011 that I hardly even recognize my life now compared to 2010 (and that's a good thing...a very good thing).  I am healthier and live a much more balanced life.  I instituted "Sunday Funday" into my life.  This was a committment to myself to take time weekly to recharge my batteries and spend an entire day doing only things that I WANTED to do and nothing that I NEEDED to do.  In committing to take time for myself, I started doing things I used to enjoy - I read 12 books this year just for the shear pleasure of it and ended up joining a local book club which expanded my horizons not only literarily, but socially.  I went to movies again.  I started cooking more again and enjoyed trying new recipes every month.  I became a regular at my local farmer's market.  I reconnected with friends that I have neglected in recent years.  I booked regular facial appointments with Miracle-Worker Maria, my favorite esthetician, and my skin has never looked better.  I spent time discovering the Dallas-Ft Worth area.  I was overlooking so much that has been in my own back yard for over 15 years.  I experienced the joy of the lazy Sunday afternoon nap.

I walked in the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure in Fort Worth in April just like I did last year.  But this time I did it without huffing and puffing and resting.  No old ladies passed me by like they did last year and no one offered me their water bottle with a look of terror in their eyes that I might keel over right in front of them.  I enjoyed it so much and it's such a good cause, that I walked again in the Race for the Cure in Plano in October.  I've even started making plans to walk the Breast Cancer 3-Day walk in 2012.  The only question is what city and which of my blogger friends can I get to do it with me?   :)

I took some trips this year.  In April I visited my friend Julie in KC.  She just had her second baby.  Last time I was there was after her first and her first is now 4 and a half years old.  A shameful long time not to visit good friends, but we enjoyed ourselves immensely.  I took a short weekend trip to the Texas Hill Country during bluebonnet season and came back with some beautiful photographs.  I took several long weekends throughout the year to go back home to Iowa and spend time with family.  And I finally did something I've been wanting to do for awhile now and spent a week at the Biggest Loser resort in Ivins, UT in September.  It was a great experience working hard with some kickass trainers and connecting with other similarly minded people.  The hiking was amazing.  Not just the beauty of the surroundings, but also the fact that I could actually DO IT! 

 I love my house and this year I made it even more of the oasis that I feel one's home should be.  I finally found the perfect art piece to go above the mantle in my living room.  I had Kim, a decorator I know, help me do something beautiful and restful in my master bedroom.  It is now a truly calming respite, just as a bedroom should be.  Another thing I did to make my house an oasis is I spent time throughout the year decluttering and organizing.  I got rid of alot of stuff that I never use.  I organized my home office and went paperless with as many of my bills and bank statements as I could to limit the paper that comes into my house.  I even got the junk in my garage out of here!  It's so freeing to come into a house where the only things in it are things that I actually use and things that I love.  I'll say it again.  I LOVE my house.  Even more now than when I first bought it.  I couldn't be happier here.

Whew!  Big year for me.  But I guess you can do and enjoy more when you have the time and the health for it. Life is good.  And it's only just begun.

Another Successful Day

Sunday's in the record books. Another success. Five more days til I make my 10 pound milestone.

Tomorrow I'm going to focus on getting more water in and eating a bit less salty stuff (today's snack was peanut butter pretzels...tasty, but salty). I don't want to mess up my weigh in with some crazy water retention so I gotta drink up! My plan to increase my water is to decrease my Diet Coke consumption. I drink WAY too may each day. Some days at work I drink no water, only Diet Cokes. They are my source of morning caffeine and I'm not ready to cut them out completely. My goal is to only have 2 in the morning and 1 in the afternoon. Three probably seems like alot to many of you, but that is cutting back for me. Bad, I know.

I've been thinking about a comment of Shelley's about coming up with a reward for myself if I make it to my 10 pound milestone this weekend. She's onto something. I do have my "magic number" goals that I plan on rewarding myself for (see sidebar). Ten pounds is not one of my magic numbers. But I've struggled with making any progress at all, maybe I do need to make a celebration of 10 pounds.

So, for this week and this week only, I am putting a carrot out there for myself. I have been wanting a Kindle. I had planned on that being my reward when I get out of the 300's. I've decided if I make it to 10pounds THIS SATURDAY, I will get the Kindle as a reward. If I don't make it this week, I'll have to wait.

So there ya go. Thanks for the idea, Shelley. And especially thank you if I achieve my goal and get to treat myself earlier than I had planned.

Saturday Success, Six Days To Go

I'm committed to hitting the 10 pound mark this week in my weigh in. And I promised myself I would do what I needed to do every day until then to make it happen. That includes posting every day to keep accountable. No self-sabotage this week!

I am happy to report that Saturday was a success. I tracked my points, stayed within my points target, walked my dog outside for 10 minutes and walked myself on the treadmill for 15.

It was a struggle, I am not gonna lie. I went out running errands yesterday afternoon and found myself getting too hungry. Was all I could do not to hit the drive through and go crazy. When I get too hungry, I sometimes start to feel panicky to the point that when I start eating I feel like I need to eat ALOT to quell the hunger andand the panic. But I was able to talk myself down, mostly because I didn't want to come here and report that I had blown the first day already.

Now, bring on Sunday!

2010 Goals - January Wrap Up (Better Late Than Never)

January didn't exactly go my way. Turns out saying you are going to change your life is alot easier than actually doing it.



My 2010 Goals Update for January:



1. To lose 93 pounds by 1/1/11.

• My goal for January was to lose 10 pounds. I started the month off well losing nearly 4 pounds in the first two weeks. After that wheels were off and I am sure I have gained. I haven't weighed myself so not certain of the exact damage.


• My January exercise goal was 360 minutes for the month. I got 148 minutes total for the month. Hardly anything, really. But better than nothing which is what it has been for weeks and weeks prior to this.


• I was going to stay with in 2500 calories/day. Looks like I only accomplished that 4 days out of 31.

So, yeah, not really making this one happen. I started the year expecting my January calendar to be full of stickers celebrating my successes. Didn't happen. But I get to turn the page and start again in February.



2. To make having fun and relaxing a priority in my life.

My goal was to do one fun or relaxing thing each week. This didn't happen. At all. Something has to give at work before this can happen. Which brings us to #3.



3. To reduce my work-related stress.

There are really only two ways I can see this happening and both are drastic measures that I have been too fearful thus far to actually take. After all the crazy hours we worked in 2009, 2010 is poised to be even worse as we announced the merger of our company with another company of equal size. We will be the surviving entity and the size of our company is doubling. There has been so much additional work surrounding this merger and will continue to be all year long. It's really hard to look ahead to 2010 and not get discouraged. I think this goal needs to be the first one I focus on if I have any hope of accomplishing the other two. So far my fear gets in the way. And I'm not sure just yet how to get past it. I suppose it's just gotta be one of those "leap of faith" things.




Looking ahead to February:

1. By the end of the month I need to be at a decision about my job. I either need to knuckle down and get through it somehow or I need to make a more drastic decision.
2. My weight loss goal for February will be 8 pounds and I will achieve it by sticking to my 2500 calorie budget and my setting another exercise goal of 360 minutes for the month. In order to help me stick to the eating part, I am back to getting the healthy meal delivery. I just don't have time to cook or shop for food right now. I need to make it as easy as possible for myself or else I will be at the drive through on the way home like I was during January.

Weekly Goal Update - Monday

1. Journal my food every day - done.
2. Stay within my 2,500 calorie/day budget - didn't do it. Succumbed to the pizza that was ordered in while we worked late. No excuse for it either because I had packed my lunch AND dinner anticipating I would be there late. Gotta try harder tomorrow.
3. Exercise in some form 4x - no exercise today. Tomorrow I plan to park in the far parking lot when I go to class. That will get me a 10 minute walk each way.
4. Pack a healthy lunch and snacks - done. Ate my lunch and my snacks. But for dinner, I caved.
5. Hold myself accountable by posting daily how I did - done.

Off Track

It's amazing how quickly and easily I get off track. I have not been tracking my calories or exercising for more days than I care to admit. Most recently I blame the stress and worry over my dog and being sick myself, but mostly it's due (as usual) to work. I won't go into the work details because I have so many times in the past and I am sick of listening to myself about it. I have a stressful job. That's how it is for now so I have got to learn to deal with it. All it takes is a little prior planning so I have foods with me for lunch and for snacks. Why do I fight that so much? I used to do it all the time as a matter of habit.

Today I came to my senses and started getting my shit back together again. I've journalled my food, walked (if only for 10 minutes...better than nothing), and am within my calorie budget. I meant it when I said I wanted to be halfway to my weight goal by the end of the year and that's not gonna happen by magic.

Because it is so easy for me to push my weightloss goals to the side when the going gets tough, I've got to find a way to stay ON TRACK and to keep my goals at the front of my mind at all times. So, hopefully she won't mind, but I am going to take a page from the blog of Spunky Suzi and set weekly goals for myself. I want to hold myself accountable to the habits that will result in my weightloss success.

So for the upcoming week, my goals are to:

1. Journal all my food every day.
   
2. Stay within my 2,500 calorie/day budget.
   
3. Exercise in some form 4x.
   
4. Pack a healthy lunch and snacks to take to work every day this week.
   
5. Hold myself accountable to these goals by posting daily about how I did.

So help me I am NOT going to let 2010 be like 2009!!!!!

Clean Slate

I spent alot of time reading blogs yesterday. It's interesting to see the two different camps regarding New Year's Resolutions. Some people make resolutions or goals of some sort this time each year. Others make none because they see nothing magical about January 1. Makes sense. Why do we have to wait til January 1 or Monday or tomorrow or whatever arbitrary start point we choose? Why not just resolve to change today? Set new goals today? Yep, makes alot of sense to me.

And yet...I am a New Year's Resolutions girl. I call mine Goals. I think there's a couple of reasons for this. During this holiday time of year things seem to slow down for a bit, at least in terms of work. Offices close early, parties are had, people take time off, families visit, kids are out of school. Overall to me it feels like a winding down process. Maybe that's because I generally am on vacation every year between Christmas and New Year's.

This winding down feeling combined with more free time for relaxation and introspection inevitably leads me to think about what I have accomplished in the past year and what things I hope to improve upon and accomplish in the upcoming year. Spending this time each year has only become important to me in very recent years and I think that's because as I get older I am becoming more aware of time and the fact that we all have a limited and unknown quantity of it at our disposal.

Now I will be the first to admit that it is kind of rare that I actually accomplish all the goals that I have set out for myself in a year. I blame that primarily on not keeping my focus on them throughout the year. As I move out of the restful holiday season and back into regular life and the busiest time of year for an accountant, I easily fall back into the same old routines and my ethusiasm for my goals is pushed to the back of my priority list.

Today I feel like I have a clean slate in front of me. I want to keep that clean slate feeling every day all year long.

2010 Goals

Well, now that I have looked back upon 2009 in two parts and found it to be a not-so-great year for me in many ways, it's time to look ahead to the new year and the new decade and make a plan to make a better life for myself.

The resounding themes for my look back at 2009 were 1) failure at my weight loss goals, 2) not enough living/having fun/being generally negative, and 3) too much work stress (which was not an insignicant contributor to the first two). So, obviously, these will be the things that I will be working on in 2010. On a monthly basis, I will post updates as to my progress on this things. My Goals for 2010 are:

1. I will lose 93 pounds by 1/1/11.
Seems like a random amount of weight to lose, but it will put me at halfway to my final goal. My 2010 weight loss goal is more than twice as big as the goal I wasn't able to achieve in 2009. Am I nuts? Maybe. But what I think happened last year is that by setting my goal (expectations for myself) too low it was easy to let the months slip by with no progress. Didn't lose anything in Janaury? No problem, I can still lose 40 pounds in 11 months. Didn't lose anything in February? No problem, I can still lose 40 pounds in 10 months. You get the picture. And then pretty soon the year is over and no progress is made. So I decided it will be better to go with a bigger, yet still achievable, goal so that I will have to maintain focus on it through out the year in order to achieve it. Ninety-three pounds works out to just under 2 pounds per week in a year, a completely reasonable rate of weight loss.

Specific steps to achieving a 93 pound weight loss in 2010 is:

• Break it down into small goals. Each month I will set a goal weight loss for the month in order to keep me on track towards achieving my goal for the year. For January, my goal is going to be 10 pounds.
• Food. Keep a food journal and track calories. Initially, my goal will be to keep it under 2,500 calories per day. I will reevaluate my calorie level as time goes by and adjust as necessary.
• Exercise. Each month I will set a goal for the amount of time I spend exercising for that month. With a monthly goal I can make adjustments as time goes by and I lose weight and get more fit. For January, my goal is 360 minutes (6 hours). So, on average, I will need to exercise for 20 minutes for 18 days of January. Probably doesn't seem like much to alot of you but at my current weight back pain while exercising is a major problem. Twenty minutes is about as much as I can stand to do. I fully anticipate this will improve greatly as the weight comes off. My exercises of choice for January will be walking outside, walking on my treadmill, stationary cycling at the community clubhouse, and doing EA Sports Active (Wii).
• Measuring Success and Keeping Accountable. I will use a simple monthly calendar to track my daily successes with stickers (yes, I am 40 on the outside and 14 on the inside). One sticker will be for keeping my food journal and staying within my calorie budget for the day. Another sticker will be for any day that I exercise. I'll also track my exercise minutes in the calendar. I will be weighing in on Saturdays and posting results.

2. I will make having fun and relaxing a priority in my life.

My life is chock full of "have-to-do's" and nearly completely devoid of "want-to-do's". This is bullshit. I am 40 years old and if I am not going to start living now, then when? It easier to have enough fun when you are younger and have more time. But now I feel like I need to make an appointment for fun otherwise it's just not going to happen. There is so much I "have-to-do" in my life that unless I make it a point to get to some of my "want-to-do's" it will never happen, as evidenced by the entire year of 2009.

To this end, I will do at LEAST one fun or relaxing thing each week. I am currently working up a list of at least 52 things I can do for fun so I have some ideas to go to rather that sitting around saying, "I'm supposed to be having fun but there's nothing to do!" The sad part is, I am having a hard time coming up with that many. It seems I have been funless for so long I have forgotten how! The list I have so far includes spending a day reading and really enjoying a book cover to cover (instead of just getting a few pages in as I fall into bed exhausted every night), taking a craft class of some kind (crochet maybe?), getting a facial, and a few other things. I am happy to hear any suggestions you have. Nothing is too big or too small. I really do need some help here.

3. I will reduce my work-related stress.

The details on this one I am going to keep to myself for now. Suffice it to say that I am WELL aware the negative impact that too much work stress has had on my life and health and that it needs to change.

2009 in Review (Part II)

NOTE: I kinda hate really long blog posts. But this one turned out to be one.

Now that I've covered my "official" SMART goals for 2009, it's time to look at the year as a whole.

My immediate reaction when I think back upon this year is "It F'ing sucked and I don't want another one like it." Yes, there is plenty about 2009 that was not so good for me. But there were some positive things too so let me list those first:

THE GOOD STUFF

• I am continuing to rebuild a relationship with my cousin that I reconnected with in 2008.
• I bought a fabulous new townhouse that will be all the more fabulous once I have it decorated.
• My brother and I continue to stay in touch more than we ever have in the past.
• I continue to received support from the readers of my blog. Seriously, going back through my posts of 2009 it amazes me the handful of you who have consistently commented on my posts, offering support and advice, even though it wasn't a stellar weight loss year. I would love to mention some specific people but won't for fear of missing someone. Let it just be said that if you made it all the way through 2009 with me, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

THE NOT-SO-GOOD STUFF

I actually went back and read every single thing I posted in 2009 and alot of the comments too. I have to say, I sound like a pretty miserable person. I am not rehasing all of this to garner any sympathy. I'm just trying to summarize it all here for myself so that I can really see how 2009 was for me. Because I want 2010 to be different.

WORK

A vast portion of my blog was dedicated to venting about work. I am not living life. I am working too hard and stressing and getting fatter. I clipped some excerpts from my posts throughout the year and they make me sad. Here are a few:

• "This whole struggle I have with balance as it relates to my work is one that has been going on for years. And one that needs some examination. I should feel grateful in these tough economic times that I have a job that is fairly secure and that pays me very well. And yet, I have deep feelings of resentment about the ways that my job negatively impacts my life in other ways....my health and weight, my social life (or lack thereof), my general happiness. Financially my job is a great one. But I don't think I am happy in it. I'd like to find a way to be happy in it because it is so good financially. Others seem to be making it work. Why can't I?" (January)
• "I have had one day off in the past 21. Nothing more to say than that. Just trying to survive." (February)
• "Basically February kicked my ass. I am beat down, worn out, tired, stressed, and depressed." (March)"
• "I struggle with knowing how to balance my life as long as I have the job I do. Most days it doesn't seem worth it...my job, that is. And yet I fear making a change. So for now I seem to be stuck trying (unsuccessfully) to make it all work." (March)
• "I feel overwhelmed by everything that seems to need changing in my life." (March)
• "I feel very tired, negative, and hopeless in regards to my own weightloss efforts and just things in general." (March)
• "I am burnt out. Uncle, already."
• "I left work at 11PM on Friday evening. And Fridays are supposed to be half days! I also went in for a couple of hours on Saturdays. This needs to improve. Drastically. And soon."
• "I've been feeling on the edge these past few weeks and months. There have been days I have literally felt like I could have a nervous breakdown. I guess I don't really know what a nervous breakdown entails. I just know that there have been many, many days that I have felt that all it would take is one wrong word, a wrong step, a dropped pencil, or the wind blowing the wrong direction and I would crumble to pieces. And I am not a delicate person. I can and have handled alot in my life. But I am tired. And I can't do it any more. I must rest." (August)
• "I am not exaggerating when I say I have felt on the verge of a nervous breakdown for the past several months. There were days I would wake up and just start crying. I was such a jangled mess of nerves that if so much as a pencil fell on the floor I felt the entire world would cave in. It's been pretty damned bad, if I am being honest. But, it's getting better." (September)

BAD HABITS

As I read through my 2009 blog entries I noted some recurring patterns of behavior stood out to me. What it boils down to is I start out with grand intentions but don't follow through when things get hard. For example:

• I decided to stop doing Weight Watchers and do intuitive eating instead. Then I decided I needed to go back to Weight Watchers. And just a few weeks ago I cancelled my Weight Watchers membership again.
• At the beginning of the year I joined Curves, went for about a month, haven't been back.
• I signed up for water aerobics classes and fell off that wagon too.
• I decided to train for the Breast Cancer 3-Day walk which lasted about 3 weeks. (Although with this one I think I bit off more than I could chew considering my fitness level when starting out).

COPING WITH STRESS WITH FOOD

The only coping method I seemed to employ during 2009 was eating:

• "And as the stress built every small thing seemed to go wrong. I was dropping things, spilling the contents of my purse all over my car, just little things, but they set me off. I actually pulled my car over and screamed at the top of my lungs trying to purge the stressful feelings out but that did not help. I tried breathing deeply. I tried talking myself down from the edge.None of that worked and eventually I caved in and sought comfort the only way I apparently know how to get it – with food."
• "Nothing else I do seems to soothe those feelings….not screaming in the car to let it out, not crying, not taking deep breaths, not positive self-talk…only eating soothes my feelings. So eventually I gave in and binged. On one had those uncomfortable feelings are gone. But on the other I feel sick. And disappointed. And discouraged. And hopeless. I feel like I will NEVER be able to string together enough healthy eating days to make a dent in this massive blob of a body."
• "I am also confused. Why am I unable to cope with stressful feelings? I don’t think it was always this way. I would never have made it this far in life if my coping skills had always been this sucky. I don’t know what has happened to me. How I am I ever going to get where I want to go?"

PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL EFFECTS OF MY OBESITY

I noted some fairly dramatic effects of my obesity on my physical abilities and my emotional health.

"I took a hot bath to try to sooth my aching body (and my beaten spirit). I have never been more aware of the gravitational pull of the earth than I was Sunday evening. With every movement I could feel all those extra pounds weighing me down, pushing me into the earth, crushing me, making everything I do so much harder than it should be. It made me really sad."

And then there were two very upsetting moments during 2009 that would be considered a "rock bottom" to most people - one while shopping for clothes and another while travelling for business.

WHAT IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO AND WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE? Well, that's the topic for my next post. Stay tuned.

2009 in Review (Part I) - SMART Goals Update

At the beginning of this year I set out some SMART goals for myself after being inspired by a post by MizFit. So how did I do?

1. To weigh less than 300 pounds by 1/1/2010. I weighed 337.7 on 1/1/09 and my latest weighin was 347. Gained almost 10 pounds over the course of the year. Not the result I wanted. But, then, I didn't really follow through with ANY of the specifics I set out for myself as to how I would attain this goal. Those being that a) I would not stray from my eating plan more than 3 days a month, b) I would exercise 30 minutes 4x per week, and c) I would rewards stickers on my calendar to monitor my progress with a) and b). What I did instead was make little effort to stick to my food plan consistently and continued to give in to my compulsions to binge. I did have a period of time where I was consistently going to Curves but that dwindled. And then there was the few weeks I was taking my Breast Cancer 3 Day training very seriously and was walking alot (alot for me, anyway). But as was the case throughout the year I allowed other things to take priority over my goals and my health. And then there was the reward stickers. Well, there was nary a sticker anywhere in my 2009 calendar so I pretty much blew this one off. End result? SMART goal #1 = epic fail.

2. To have my entire house decluttered and organized by 1/1/2010. I did pretty well at this getting rid of lots and lots of things I didn't need and wasn't using. Then I moved to a new house at the end of September and I still haven't completely unpacked. So while I made quite a bit of progress, the house I ended the year in is not completely decluttered and organized. I don't consider this a complete failure of my goal. Rather, life threw me something different than I had expected when the year started out.

3. To complete at least 12 more hours towards my MBA by 1/1/2010. This one I completed and completed early. This also kind of sums up in my eyes where my priorities were astray during 2009, thus leading to the epic fail of my weightloss goals. In 2009 work and school WERE my life. All else went to the wayside.

So how do I feel about SMART goals at the end of 2009 as compared to the beginning of 2009? Well, I am disappointed in myself for not following through on the one goal that was most important to me - weight loss. But SMART goals are, well, smart. The trick is to really and truly make what is important to you the priority in your life. That I didn't do in 2009. My work, school, and a bout with depression, overshadowed all else for me. I can see that for 2010 identifying what is most important to me and making it my top priority for my life will be paramount to my attaining the 2010 SMART goals I am currently mulling over in my head.

Weigh in: 1.2 lost, 176.2 to go

Still moving in the right direction on the scale. My focus continues to be getting my food in line and tracking everything on Weight Watchers online. Exercise continues to be walks around the block with my dog and continued unpacking. Yes, it's taking me a long time. It's really hard work on me at this weight so I have to do alot of stopping and resting my back. Doing that all the time really slows your progress. But it's exercise for me so I'll just keep plugging away at it.

I'm a pound away from my second 5 pound goal. That means I will have earned two charms for the charm bracelet I am rewarding myself with. I posted about it somewhere and for the life of me I can't find it to link to, but I bought myself an empty charm bracelet and plan to fill it with a new charm for every 5 pounds I lose.

Another busy week coming up. Something big is afoot at work and I don't know what it is yet. I just know I am headed in to manager's meeting this afternoon. Yes, on a Sunday. And, no, this has never happened before. Something's cooking, that is for sure.

[And can we just ignore the fact that I am in dire need of a pedicure and that I caughty my belly in this picture? K? Thanks. :)]

SMART Goals: Monthly Update

It's been 4 months since I gave an update of my progess towards my 2009 SMART goals. I am definitely overdue.

1. To weigh less than 300 pounds by 1/1/2010. I weighed 337.7 on 1/1/09 and was at 349 at last week's weigh-in. Well, this isn't going so hot. BUT this year isn't over so I am not giving up. I still have 4 months to make some progress towards 299. I don't know if 50 pounds is doable at this point. But there is no reason I can't start making progress in that direction.

2. To have my entire house decluttered and organized by 1/1/2010. This goal will be achieved but in a different way than I had envisioned at the beginning of the year. I bought a new place so while my current house is still cluttered, as I am packing and getting ready to move I am getting rid of what I don't need and will be making sure to move my stuff in to the new place in an organized way. The new place is bigger with more and bigger closets and that should help. I have a dinky house with dinky closets right now.

3. To complete at least 12 more hours towards my MBA by 1/1/2010. Done!!! In fact, I completed 13 hours so far this year. And I am taking a break for the fall semester. I'll set a new school goal for next year but right now I will just celebrate that I achieved one of my SMART goals!

Weigh in: 3.6 lost, 176.3 to go

That's more like it! I am back within striking distance of my 2nd 5 pound loss....which is good because I ordered 2 charms for my charm bracelet last week. (For those who don't remember, I plan to add a charm to a charm bracelet for every 5 pounds that I lose.)

Since my official 24 week training program for the Breast Cancer 3 Day Walk starts this coming Tuesday, I feel good that I have a set exercise plan in mind. I still need to work on the food part though. My goal for next week is to have some protein with every meal and snack and to avoid processing foods as snacks. Lowfat cottage cheese and a piece of fruit actually make a great snack and keeps me satisfied for several hours.

Plans for today include an hour on the treadmill, a pedicure, a trip to Whole Foods, and some time in my home office getting things organized. It's almost the end of another month and I'd like to report some progress on one of my SMART goals.

SMART Goals: 4th Monthly Update

Another month has passed and it's time to report on my progess towards my 2009 SMART goals.

1. To weigh less than 300 pounds by 1/1/2010. I weighed 337.7 on 1/1/09 and was at 343.1 at last weeks weigh-in. So now I am down to 8 months to achieve what I thought would take a year to achieve. It's still doable at just over 5 pounds/month. My eating is slowly coming back under control. Now I need to work on that exercise. Staying up to late continues to be my problem as early mornings are best for me to workout. I am committing to going to bed by 10PM most days for the month of May to help in my exercise efforts. I'll let you know how I did next month!. Also, am considering purchasing a treadmill for my house. Whatever I can do to make exercise as convenient as possible!

2. To have my entire house decluttered and organized by 1/1/2010. My goal has been to spend 1 hour per week working on this task. I have not really stuck to my 1 hour per week rule, but I did finally spend some time this month tackling my home office, which along with my garage is by far the biggest task I have in this endeavor. So I feel like I am making some progress. My plan is to have my home office organized by my next monthly report.

3. To complete at least 12 more hours towards my MBA by 1/1/2010. No change with this one. I am currently taking 6 hours so I will be halfway to my goal by the end of the spring semester. I am registered for 3 hours (or maybe 7 if I can get the additional class I want) during the summer session starting mid-May and I will be registering for 6 hours for the fall. If I stick to that plan, I should finish the year ahead for this goal.

Continuing to Get My Priorities In Order

As part of my effort to make my health and weightloss my #1 priority, I have bumped my "Magic Numbers" up higher on my side bar. They had gotten buried pretty far down there and I had pretty much forgotten all about them. Kinda defeats the purpose of having them if they aren't within easy eyeshot to be a reminder of what you are aiming for.

I also added a second weight ticker so I can focus not only on the big picture, but also on losing just 5 pounds at a time. Cuz I gots to tell ya...looking at that ticker with 180+ pounds to go on it is downright discouraging.


I needed to do this because I had really lost sight of what my near-term goals were. And it's hard to achieve your goals if you aren't really focused on what they are.

So for now my short-term goal is going to be to lose 5 pounds. My mid-term goal is to get to 324 which would put me at 25 pounds down. I can do this.

SMART Goals: 3rd Monthly Update

I am late giving my monthly update of my 2009 SMART goals. That can only mean one thing...I haven't done so well for March. Here's the latest on the SMART goals:

1. To weigh less than 300 pounds by 1/1/2010. I weighed 337.7 on 1/1/09 and right now I am weighing around 345. Just like last month, I am moving in the wrong direction. Same reasons (excuses) for March as for February - too many working hours. April will be busy with the end of the first quarter but I can't let this trend continue for another month. So in order to stay on track with the food while I am so busy, I have decided to do a local healthy prepared meal plan for April (Diet Gourmet). The fact is I will not find the time to plan meals, grocery shop, and prepare healthy meals during April. Work will be busy, plus I am wrapping up the semester at school and will have 3 exams to take and one 30 page paper to get written by the end of April. Yes, it's a little costly and, no, I don't want to rely on prepared meals forever, but I am finally coming to the realization that I am NOT Superwoman and that I need to give myself help when I need it. And I will need it this month.

2. To have my entire house decluttered and organized by 1/1/2010. My goal has been to spend 1 hour per week working on this task. This did not happen again in March although I am on vacation this week and plan to tackle the scary, paper-filled closet in my home office today. There is a lot to do in there and I will get as much done today as I can. Since I am not doing so well on my original plan of "1 hour of organizing per week". I feel like I need to be more specific with this goal in terms of when I am going to get this hour in. Mondays-Wednesdays I am busy after work with class and with my water aerobics class (if they ever get the pool heater fixed) so I am going to do 15 minute of organizing each day Thursday through Sunday.

3. To complete at least 12 more hours towards my MBA by 1/1/2010. This is the only goal I am progressing well on. I am currently taking 6 hours so I will be halfway to my goal by the end of the spring semester. I am registered for 3 hours during the summer session starting mid-May and I will be registering for 6 hours for the fall. If I stick to that plan, I should finish the year ahead for this goal.

2009 SMART Goals: Second Monthly Update

When I made my SMART goals for 2009, I committed to giving monthly updates as to my progress. So here goes:

1. To weigh less than 300 pounds by 1/1/2010. I weighed 337.7 on 1/1/09 and this morning I weighed 340.8. Moving in the wrong direction. February was a horrific month work-wise. Basically February kicked my ass. I am beat down, worn out, tired, stressed, and depressed. My February would have kicked anyone's ass so I refuse to kick my own ass about it.

2. To have my entire house decluttered and organized by 1/1/2010. My goal has been to spend 1 hour per week working on this task. This did not happen due to ass-kicking February.

3. To complete at least 12 more hours towards my MBA by 1/1/2010. This is the only goal I am progressing on. I am currently taking 6 hours so I will be halfway to my goal by the end of the spring semester.


I think the very worst is behind me as far as work goes, but the fact is my job demands alot from me. So I will just try to do my best in March. I still feel over-burdened and uncertain how I will do this month. I struggle with knowing how to balance my life as long as I have the job I do. Most days it doesn't seem worth it...my job, that is. And yet I fear making a change. So for now I seem to be stuck trying (unsuccessfully) to make it all work.