Weigh-in: 1.5 down, 131.1 to go

This is a belated weigh in post with no picture.  I went out of town to visit a friend this weekend and I weighed in on Friday before I left.  I was out of my normal routine and forgot to get a picture.

I lost another 1.5 pounds this week pushing me over the 70 pound mark.  I am happy to continue moving in the right direction but really would love to get my weekly losses up a bit.

This past week I started training at Fitness Together.  I bought a package of 36 sessions (pricey!) and am planning on going Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday each week.  Even though I've been walking on the treadmill, I am so out of shape when it comes to these workouts it's almost embarrassing.  A couple of times I've had to sit down and rest for a minute.  The 2 different trainers I have worked with have been nothing but encouraging though.  I can feel I am working, let me tell you.  My quads were so sore over the weekend.  Finally they started feeling better today....just in time to resume working out tomorrow! 

The weekend was really fun.  I needed a break away from work, a change of scenery, and a temperature that was less than 100 degrees.  I really enjoyed myself.  Best part is I had alot of "changes I noticed" to report from my trip.  Here goes.

Changes I have noticed:

• I was able to ride on a plane and the seatbelt fit.  I fit in the seat.  And I was able to walk around the airport and carry my luggage without nearly keeling over or bursting into tears in the parking garage.  Much improved situation from this trip I took 2 years ago.  I was around 350 pounds.
• Going out to eat with my friends I was able to fit in a booth.
• I was able to take a walk with my friend and not almost die.
• We walked around and shopped and I did not almost die.
• I really didn't give much thought to my weight at all during the weekend as it really didn't hinder anything I wanted to do.

Big changes for me and I am happy.

I Wanna Go!!!!!

Did you watch Biggest Loser tonight? Did you hear them mention the Biggest Loser Resort at Fitness Ridge? Oh my God. I so want to go. I haven't taken a vacation this year. Maybe I should!

A Fat Girl Nightmare Come True

I survived the business trip I mentioned in my last post. Not without some Fat Girl Nightmare Come True experiences, however.

I work for an oil company (don't hate me or else I will have to take the time to post all the reasons why $4/gallon is actually quite a bargain for gasoline). For us, a trip to a field office means a trip to the boondocks. In this case, the trip took me deep in the bayous of southern Louisiana. I have never experienced humidity like I experienced those two days in the bayou. It was only 83 degrees but about 5 billion percent humidity. But I get ahead of myself with the traumas of travelling in a fat suit.

I got myself to the airport in plenty of time so that I would not have to hurry and be huffing and puffing and sweating as I made my way to the gate. Didn't matter. I got there the same time as two colleagues and so feel obligated to try to keep their pace and ended up huffing and puffing and sweating anyway. I really cannot overemphasize just how much I was sweating. This was not a lovley glow or even a few beads on the upper lip. Sweat was running down my face in rivers. My hair was wet. I looked like I had just finished working out. This was the state I was in as we waited for our plane and I was forced to meet half a dozen colleagues I had never met before. Everyone was quite kind in pretending not to notice I was panting like a dog and sweating like a horse.

Next up, boarding the plane. We are on Southwest and all I can think is "aren't they the airline that makes fat people buy two seats?" I just wanted to find a seat, get in it, and not look up or around. I ended up snagging one of the very front seats. The seat belt was too short. I could not stand the embarrassment of asking for an extender so I faked that the seatbelt was closed. Yes, I was risking my own safety to avoid embarrassment.

As we waited for the plane to finish boarding, one of the flight attendants asked me if I was afraid of flying. He had noticed my profuse sweating and assumed I was having a panick attack. Maybe I was, but if I was, it wasn't for the reasons he assumed. He handed me a stack of paper towels and I wanted to die.

The flight from Dallas to New Orleans is only about an hour. We landed, deplaned, and gathered to figure out who was riding in what car. We set off for the car rental counter. Again, I am huffing and puffing and sweating. We headed down an escalator and inside I was rejoicing at the few seconds I could set my bag down and rest. But upon getting to the bottom, we realized we actually needed to be up. And the up escalator was not working. So I hauled myself up the stairs. My own 350 pounds plus my bag. Still sweating rivers.

Outside waiting for our car the air was so thick with humidity I felt like I had to chew it before I could breathe it. There were no benches to sit on while waiting and I stood there sweating, back aching, trying to catch my breathe and act like everything was normal. We got our car and the colleague who drove the car I was in could not have been kinder. He just said, "I'll let you adjust the temperature." The gentleman's way of saying, "I can see you are about to spontaneously combust so feel free to crank down the AC."

We had about an hour's drive to where we were going so I was able to rest, catch my breath, and cool down. I felt so exhausted I just wanted to get where we were going and go to bed. When we finally got to where we were staying I did have to do the whole "meet and greet" thing which was not as horrific as I had thought it would be. By then I had stopped sweating and I didn't notice any pointing and staring as I (irrationally, maybe) thought there would be.

The next day was full of meetings and then we were off again back to Dallas. The trip back was pretty much the same thing as the trip there. This time the plane was a little bigger and apparently bigger planes have longer seatbelts because this one fit. Getting off the plane in Dallas I decided I was on my own. I was not going to try to keep up with or chat with any of my colleagues. I ended up having to stop and rest 3 times before getting out of the airport and one more time as I entered the parking garage. I honestly feared what was going to happen to me if I couldn't find my car because there was no way I could traipse all over that garage without collapsing. Thankfully I did find my car.

I got in the car, cranked up the AC, and just sat there for a minute to gather myself. I was frazzled. Physically and emotionally. I cried in my car in that parking garage. And I cried the whole way home. A simple one night trip a short one hour away had left me exhausted and broken. How is it I let myself get like this? And what will it take to get me to change? I am clearly hurting myself terribly.

Why can't I stop? Why won't I change?

Regrets, I Had a Few. Here's One More.

Today I regret not making my weightloss a priority last year when I started this blog.

Tomorrow I have to take a business trip to one of our field offices. That means a plane. And a plane seat. And a seat belt. That might not/probably won't reach. And I won't even get to be anonymous in my humiliation. About half a dozen of my colleagues will be there to.

Once we get to the field office I will be meeting dozens of people I have only spoken to over the phone. And I truly dread what they will think when they see me. 350 pounds of me. Probably not what they expected.

How many regrets, fears, and embarrassments will I put myself through before I finally make my health a priority?

Home Sweet Home

I am back home in the Lone Star State after my whirlwind 4 days in NYC. I nearly froze my patootie off but it was tons of fun anyway. We did the best we could to hit all the major sights plus we saw 3 shows while we were there. I had two major observations about NYC:

1. New Yorkers are FRIENDLY! We always hear that New Yorkers are rude but I found them to be the opposite. Every person working at the restaurants, theaters, or just on the street or subway were pleasant and happy to help out if asked. I love New Yorkers!

2. NYC is hard work on a fat girl! Man, I wore myself out seeing that city. Yeah, you can take the subway pretty much anywhere you want to go but there is still alot of walking involved (which I expected) not to mention all those stairs up from the subway (which I did not expect). My feet, knees, and legs hurt but at least I can say I got in a good workout every single day of my trip. I look forward to the next time when I will be lighter and in better shape.

I arrived at LaGuardia Friday afternoon and took my first NYC cab ride to the hotel where my freinds already were. While the stereotype of New Yorkers as rude turned out not to be true, the stereotype of NY cabbies driving like maniacs is definitely true! Everyone drives very aggressively there. I would be a nervous wreck if I had to drive in that city. They must be good drivers though because I didn't see a single accident happen while I was there. Amazing considering they drive as fast as they can within inches of the cars in front of, next to, and behind them, switching lanes all the time.

I got to the hotel which was small and cute. Got settled it and met up with my friends to just wander around the area and get something to eat. We stayed near Times Square and the theater district. Times Square was something to see at night the way it is all lit up but it is mostly a tourist trap. That evening we saw our first show which was an off-Broadway production called Rock of Ages. I wanted to see it because my favorite American Idol contestant was in it, Constantine Maroulis. The plot of the story was kind of silly and weak, but the music was really fun....all 80's rock music. Constantine sounded great.

The next day we wandered through some of the trendier neighborhoods which made me realize I am neither hip nor cool enough to ever live there! It was fun to walk through and see where people actually live. I was suprised by the number of big dogs I saw. I was expecting to only seen little dogs but there were plenty of big ones too. I felt kind of sorry for them not having any grassy areas to walk in though. We decided not to take the trip out to Ellis Island. Instead we hopped the Staten Island Ferry and just took in the sights of the Statue and the Manhattan skyline from there. I had wanted to walk over the Brooklyn Bridge but it was just too darned cold so we skipped it. That evening we saw our second show, Equus, which was a pretty dark non-musical play. It was very good though. The kid who plays Harry Potter was in it.

On Sunday we were out and about again to do a bit of shopping and other sight-seeing at Wall Street, Empire St. Building, etc. That evening we saw Spamalot which was a hoot.

Monday I ended up being on my own most of the day as my friends had to leave earlier than I did. I went up to Central Park and to the Museum of Modern Art that day. Central Park was incredible and I wish I had had more time to spend there and explore it. The MoMA, well, let's just say I don't really get modern art. But there was a Van Gogh exhibit going on there which I liked seeing. We see prints of famous paintings like Starry Night all the time so it was kind of neat to get to see the real thing. After MoMA, I grabbed a cab and headed to the airport. The cab driver ended up taking me through Harlem. Not sure why, but that is what he did. I was kind of glad he did because at least I got to see it. I never felt scared but it is definitely different there than in Manhatten.

I got home late Monday night completely physically exhausted. It was alot of fun to finally see the place I have always wanted to but at the same time it made it very clear just how much my weight is affecting my life and my ability to fully enjoy the things I want to. I often was in physical pain or huffing and puffing to try to keep up with my friends. I felt stuffed into plane seats and theater seats and just generally too big. I didn't dwell on those feelings too much to the point of not enjoying my trip. But I am aware that I would have had more fun, or at the very least been more physically comfortable during my adventure if I didn't have all this extra weight. Now I look forward to my next trip to the Big Apple when I am in better shape.

I wish I could share some pictures with you but am having troubles getting my PC to recognize my camera and can't get them downloaded at the moment.

Oh, and I turned 39 while I was there. My last year in my 30's. I plan to make the most of it!

Start Spreadin' the News!

Winging my way to the Big Apple today. Later gators!

Am I Too Big For The Big Apple?

We have booked tickets for shows for each of the three evenings we will be in NYC. At first I was totally excited about seeing Spamalot, Equus, and Rock of Ages. Now I am worried. Will I fit in the seats? Will the person who has to sit next to me feel like I ruined their evening by encroaching on their space? I hate being this big. I look forward to a time that I never have to worry about this sort of thing.

Happy Birthday to Me in NYC!!!!

Next month is my 39th birthday and in celebration I am treating myself to a 4-day weekend in NYC, a place I have ALWAYS wanted to visit. A couple weekends ago I saw a relatively cheap fair to LaGuardia and said to myself, "What the hell!" and I just booked it with no other plan as to who would go with me or anything. I just decided I can't wait on anyone else wanting to do this with me and so I would just do it on my own. And, funnily enough, I now have 3 other friends who are meeting me there for my birthday weekend. So I guess alot of people sit around hoping someone else will suggest something fabulous they can particiate in. Life lesson here, I think. Don 't wait for fun and adventure....make your own!!!!

Added bonus, visiting NYC is #10 on my 160 Things list. Of course, I also said I would wait until I reached 200 pounds but what the heck!