Today I regret not making my weightloss a priority last year when I started this blog.
Tomorrow I have to take a business trip to one of our field offices. That means a plane. And a plane seat. And a seat belt. That might not/probably won't reach. And I won't even get to be anonymous in my humiliation. About half a dozen of my colleagues will be there to.
Once we get to the field office I will be meeting dozens of people I have only spoken to over the phone. And I truly dread what they will think when they see me. 350 pounds of me. Probably not what they expected.
How many regrets, fears, and embarrassments will I put myself through before I finally make my health a priority?
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14 comments:
I have many regrets, and I'm sure everyone does. The stupid things you do, you regret… if you have any sense, and if you don't regret them, maybe you're stupid.” ~Katherine Hepburn
Obviously, you're not stupid. :)
Seriously though, I don't think these people are going to judge you by your weight. If you've been talking to them on the phone for months they already know you. They're going to like you just fine. And I bet some of them are going to have a weight problem or some other problem and are worried what YOU might think of them.
Please relax about it a little. Just be yourself and you'll be fine. They're going to love you..all of you. :)
you know what? stop judging yoursef for what you did in the past. It's done. It's over. Nothing you can do about the past. But - you can concentrate on the present and the future. You have started a journey, and maybe it hasn't been perfect. So what? You're human, and nobody is ever perfect, even if some people seem to be.
And about your trip. Do you know anything about those people? Do you know if they're fat? Do you care? Maybe they have the same fears about meeting you in person for the first time. And not everybody judges people based on their weight. You're probably good in your job - and that's what counts!
Try to ask for a seat belt extension with your head up. It's who you are right now. So what? You're not the only one in the world who needs it!
Keep your head up!
damn jules has shared some wise words above me.
I agree that Ive had regrets and that I also feel the need to respect what you say are regrets and not try and "TELL" you to feel a certain way.
that said, it's all about you loving you where you are today.
now.
unconditionally.
thats the goal.
screw everyone else's opnion.
(yes, even mine :))
I know what you mean... I started this journey more than two years ago and I've "only" lost 50 pounds. Having said that, what I've learned in this time has really equipped me to be successful at this, so don't beat yourself up. People will accept you for who you are!
I went to California on a business/pleasure trip and had to ask for an extender with my husband.right.there. Even that wasn't enough to 'cure' me.
It took a stupid pair of pajama pants from Target that kicked my butt---and I still do dumb food/exercise stuff fairly regularly.
{{Deb}} I feel exactly that way so often! There are so many things that I'd be more comfortable doing if I were thinner/more perfect in some other way . . . and every time one of them comes up, I berate myself for having gained so much in the first place, for not having lost it years ago, for not having gotten to goal already this go-round and for whichever of my many other imperfections seems most pertinent at the time ;)
I know it isn't easy and I sure don't always succeed at it myself, but don't let those feelings stop you from enjoying the experiences life has to offer you today. You can use them in the future to motivate you to make different choices . . . but for now, let them go. Focus on/be proud of all your terrific qualities and enjoy your trip! Just knowing you from the blogosphere, I know that you are smart, funny, an empathetic & supportive friend and a talented & dedicated professional. I'm sure your colleagues also have noticed these qualities as you've worked together by phone . . . and the fact that you struggle with your weight does *not* in any way diminish them. Diana said it best . . . they are going to love all of you!
I so get what you wrote. For me, another year would go by, with nothing changed. And another. Somehow, something seems to click with me about every 5 years - when I was 40 I made a major life change, and just before I turned 45 I started this journey. Both are still going strong, so that's something. I agree with Miz - love who you are today and then figure out what you need to do to love yourself tomorrow.
I feel for you and have found myself in similar situations until I finally got fed up with myself. Instead of directing the feelings of shame and regret inward, I'm trying to pour the energy into something useful like getting to the gym as often as I can. I still have a long way to go but even a little success after so many years of failing and not caring, keeps me going. Hang in there - you're not alone.
I have tons of regrets in my life and my weight is a huge one...something I struggle with daily, but if I am constantly wondering what other people think about me then I will never be happy if they don't like the way I am today they won't like the way I will be tomorrow or any other day for that matter and when I hit MY GOAL...they still won't lik me...so I just have to move on... I have been on a plane when the seatbelt didn't fit... so now when I fly I ask for an extender before going to my seat it makes it a lot easier that way they don't have to bring you one....UGH! :) Keep your chin up....
I sooo understand your dread, having lived with that same feeling for so many years. I especially identify with the discomfort of having professional peers witness the personal complications of obesity.
It's far too intimate for comfort.
But you WILL survive it. Know that you can actually use this situation to fuel your intentions for the coming year. As painful as it is, take time to acknowledge these feelings and resolve to take them out of the equation in the future. You CAN and you WILL!
I know what you mean, I see where I was last year and regret losing grasp of that weight. Why'd I have to regain so much :(
I have become tired of dealing with regrets. I let them take me off track, but will strive to get it together again. You will overcome, it takes time. Pulling for you
Deb, I feel ya!!! Boy do I ever, but Miz is right! :) I'm going through some of the same feelings as you right now. I have a wedding to go to in October and I'm going to see people that I went to high school with...nuff said! ugh!
I have the same question my friend. Good luck on your trip...
- Lisa
www.losewithlisa.blogspot.com
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