I've been a little AWOL from the blog world lately. I don't really know why. Just wasn't feeling it, I guess. I've also skipped my last two weigh ins. Even so, I've been doing pretty well on the eating front and I have restarted my workout routine at Curves so I don't think I'm really off the wagon. Just kind of off the radar.

But I know I better get back out here and back to my WW meetings. I plan to get back to my regular Saturday morning meetings next weekend.

I've been feeling pretty positive about the changes I am making and the changes I have noticed in my mindset. I've spent a long time on this blog piddle-farting around. Lost in the woods, I think. I let myself get bogged down in depression and a crazy work/school life. I've let these things steal my life, health, and happiness from me. I am finally truly waking up to that fact.

No more. I want it all back. I want to feel good again, to feel cute sometimes, to not be held back physically, to participate rather than avoid. And it starts with my health and my weight. It's finally clicking. Duh. Right?

Exercise Log #10

5/20/09 7:20PM

Goal: 30 min Curves workout

Achieved: 30 minutes

Avg heart rate: 132

Physical: Kicking butt.

Emotional: Kicking butt.

Exercise Log #4

4/1/09 12:15PM
Goal: 30 minute Curves workout
Achieved: 30 minutes
Avg heart rate: 129
Physical: Don’t have much to say except that working out felt really good today and I did a better job of keeping all my lights green compared to last time. I can feel that I am pushing my workout at Curves harder now that I am doing CurvesSmart.
Emotional: Content. It felt good to work out today and I’m glad I did it.

Exercise Log #2

I am on a much needed "stay-cation" this week so my exercise times are a bit different than they will be when I am back in my usual routine.



3/30/09 11:30AM
Goal: 30 minute Curves workout
Achieved: 30 minutes
Avg heart rate: 118…wider range though than when I walk. Highest point I noticed was 138. Lowest was 109.
Physical: Today was the first time I used the CurvesSmart system. Basically, it tracks how hard you are working and your range of motion to be sure you are just lollygagging around the circuit. There is a feedback display with lights that are green, yellow, or red and your goal is to keep them in the green meaning you are working out at the proper intensity. What I learned today using CurvesSmart is that I have been doing a bit of lollygagging. I definitely pushed myself harder this time than I have in the past at Curves. Working at the higher intensity this time left me feeling a bit dizzy and light-headed at the end. I was not able to keep my lights green the entire time.
Emotional: Panicked. The light-headedness at the end really scared me. I thought I was going to pass out. Embarrassed/singled out. Because this was my first time on CurvesSmart the person working there pretty much followed me through the workout. It was embarrassing to have her watch me sweat and struggle so much through the circuit when there were old ladies in there making it look like no big deal. A couple of times she asked “Are you OK?” so I know I must have looked like I was ready to keel over. I know she was doing her job but it embarrassed me nonetheless. Cautiously optimistic/determined. I want to make it through the circuit keeping my lights green and not feeling like I am going to die at the end. I work better with tangible goals so even though it nearly did me in today I think this Curves Smart thing is going to help me stay focused on working to the best of my abilities each time.

Weigh in: 3.8 lost, 172.7 to go

WOO HOO!!! 3.8 down on the first weigh-in of 2009. Definitely a step in the right direction.

I think the consistent exercise this week really helped me. I joined Curves right before the New Year and have gone consistently for 2 weeks now. While I really enjoyed the water aerobics I was doing, it is better for me to get my exercise out of the way in the mornings before work. There are no water aerobics classes I can do early enough in the morning to still make it to work on time. But, Curves opens at 5:45AM on M/W/F so that is my new plan. I am heading into the crazy busy season of work plus I am taking 2 MBA classes this semester so I knew I needed to find something I could do first thing in the morning or else consistent exercise would fall easily to the wayside.

In the past I have been extremely successful when I committed to morning workouts. In fact, there was a time not that long ago (5 years or so) that I was working out every morning except Sundays. And not suprisingly, I weighed around 195 pounds and was wearing a size 14 or 16. I felt good, energized, and enjoyed my routine. I didn't struggle with depression the way I do now. I felt athletic and accomplished. I feel hopeful and confident that my new routine at Curves is the first step in getting back to where I was physically 5 years ago.

CHALLENGES FOR THE UPCOMING WEEK:

• Going back to work. This is an ongoing struggle for me. I always seem to have to fight nervous/anxious nibbling while I am there, especially when I first get there. My immediate impulse is to nibble my anxiety away.
• Tuesday night basketball game. My company owns a suite at the American Airlines Center where the Dallas Mavericks and Dallas Stars play. Tuesday night is my department's turn to go to the basketball game. In the suites there is always all kinds of food and drinks provided. Staying away from that will not be my challenge as I don't like to eat in front of others at this weight. My challenges will be 1) to make sure I eat my own healthy dinner before I go and 2) to still be able to get up at the crack of dawn the next day to exercise.