Pictorial Evidence

As horribly unflattering as it is, I just wanted to share this picture from the Race for The Cure this past weekend. I am standing next to my pal who finished her treatments and surgery recently. Also, hot firemen.

Man, I am really big.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

I'm trying my hand at a new hobby - gardening. Since I don't have a yard to speak of I'm going to do a little container gardening. I have a notoriously brown thumb so I am starting very small with just a few things.

In the egg cartons, I have bell and sweet peppers in one and cherry tomatoes in the other.

In the pots, the larger one has basil (what is better than fresh basil? NOTHING!). The smaller one has cilantro.

So far, only my basil is sprouting. Wish me luck. Well, wish these little seeds and seedlings luck...they are the ones who will need it! ;-)

Racing (?), Limping, Resting, and Napping For The Cure

Holy crap people, I walked a 5K today. No way I thought I could do it. I hadn't trained for it. My walks consist of 10 minutes around the block with Buster. Oh, and I weigh almost 350 pounds. But I walked a 5K today, dammit.

I probably would not have subjected myself to this today (it was really freakin' hard!) except that it was the Race for The Cure and we did it to support one of my good friends who has just finished treatment and surgery for breast cancer. She's only 35!


So how did it go down? Well, first of all I almost talked myself out of doing it more than once, including this morning when my alarm went off. But the thought of letting my friend down and the idea that she had been through months of treatment and surgery and was still going to do the walk finally made me lug my butt out of bed and get ready.

The walk started out very slow as there were 16,000 people there all bunched up at the starting line. It was sunny and a nice cool breeze was blowing. Very nice. I made it through the first mile doing pretty well. We weren't walking real fast but it was a workout to me while the others were just on a leisurely stroll. I was breathing hard and my back was starting to hurt. I just tried to focus on the breeze and the blue skies and not my physical discomfort.

About 1.5 miles in we hit the hills. Oh shit. At first the hills were OK because for some reason it made my back feel better to walk uphill. But I was really getting winded. I finally had to stop and sit down for a few minutes to catch my breath. The others hadn't noticed that I stopped and went on. That was OK. Once I got started again I was able to walk at my own pace rather than trying to keep up with them. That helped.

Every so often in that second half of the race where I was walking alone, I had to stop and sit. I was determined to finish but doubt was starting to creep in. I wasn't paying alot of attention to anyone else but I do have to say a couple of people were quite kind to this fat lady huffing and puffing and sweating. One asked if I was OK when I stopped to sit awhile. Another offered me a bottle of water as we went up another torturous hill. One one hand, it was embarrassing to realize people were noticing my struggle. On the other, it was good to realize some people still know how to be kind, rather than rude or judgmental.

In the homestretch of the walk, I could see the finish line and knew my friends were there waiting because they had texted me. As I kept trudging along I saw a little old lady who looked to be in her 80's, bent with osteoporosis, pass me up. Damn. That was some harsh reality.

But, I finished. Yes, indeed, I did. It took me one hour and 30 minutes, but I finished. I was proud that I had but also completely spent. I decided not to stick around for the festivities that followed because I was too exhausted to want to be standing around much longer so I said my goodbyes and hobbled several blocks back to my car.

I had intended to hit the late Weight Watchers meeting after the walk, but since it took me so much longer than I had thought it would, I missed it. So I headed home where I cleaned up and promptly fell asleep for several hours. I was exhausted.

Tonight my feet and ankles are very sore and I am limping around. I am proud of my accomplishment today. At the same time, it is a brutal wake up call as to how out of shape I am and how much my weight hinders me.

I don't think I'll be doing another 5K for awhile because it took too much out of me. But it did make me want to step up my exercise just a bit and start getting this weight off and getting some of my fitness back.

Why Haven't I Done This Sooner?

I roasted veggies for the first time Sunday night. Oh my God. So simple. And SOOOO tasty. And even better reheated tonight for dinner. This is going to become a Sunday night staple for me and I plan to make an even bigger batch to keep me in veggies for all my meals throughout the week.

This mixture includes red potatoes, red bell peppers, onions, and zuchini. I seasoned it with salt, pepper, cumin, and chili pepper. Very yummy. And I'm anxious to try other combinations.

Anyone care to share their favorite roasted veggie combos?

The Slippery Slope and Feeling Kinda Dumb

I skipped my WW meeting this week. I skipped it because I didn't want to weigh in. I didn't want to weigh in because I ate crap food all week.

So it's the slippery slope again. Two weeks on track, week three wheels are off.

And the thing is I REALLY wanted to go to the meeting. I am loving the meeting leader and can feel a sense of comraderie amongst the members. And I got the sense that this was the first WW meeting I have EVER been to (and I've been to lots) where the leader and the members GET that this weight loss thing is about more than just counting points and exercising. I have the sense that THIS is the WW meeting that really will help me change my life.

So right now I'm feeling kinda dumb that I let my week of poor choices be the thing that stood in the way of getting the support I needed this week.

It's a new week now. I'm trying again. And I'm going to my meeting on Saturday. No matter what.

Weight in: 0.4 lost, 178.2 to go

I weighed in at Weight Watchers today and was happy with just a 0.4 pound loss. That puts me at 7 total. I wasn't as faithful to tracking my food as I was the first two weeks so I am happy I eeked out a small loss. I am really motivated to give it my best shot this week and maybe hit the 10 pound mark next Saturday.

At today's meeting they gave us a 6 week training guide for walking a 5K. It starts out very slow with just 10 minutes of walking. Perfect for me. I want to incorporate this in with my water aerobics.

I'm loving my new Weight Watchers meeting. The leader is fabulous and has lost 100 pounds herself. And the meeting members are really open and supportive of each other. I feel like I have hit the jackpot finding this meeting.

I'm feeling cautiously optimistic about things.

Return of the Prodigal Blogger

I'm back. In some ways I was never gone because I continued to keep up reading the blogs that I follow. I just wasn't posting because I wasn't feeling like I had much to contribute to the blogosphere these days. I commented on other blogs occasionally. But mostly I have spent the last month lurking. I continue to struggle but I have not given up. OK, I had given up for awhile. But I am un-giving up now.

So it's been a month.

What's new?
1. I am back in Weight Watchers meetings. I've gone 2 weeks in a row now and am down 6.6 pounds.
2. I am actually listening during my meetings and reading the weekly materials. Because I've been a WW member on and off for 10+ years, I pretty much think I know everything there is to know about the plan. I'm trying to go in with a different, more open, attitude this time. There are some success stories in that meeting room. Maybe if I'd quit thinking I know it all and just listen I might learn something.
3. I am back in water aerobics. I signed up for classes on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. This will be the extent of my exercise for now. I don't want to bite off more that I can chew.

What's not new?
1. Still struggling with depression but am being more proactive about dealing with that. I wouldn't say I am actually better, but I think I can see that I will be some day. That in itself is a major improvement. The past couple of months I have felt fairly hopeless about pretty much everything. So even though I am not back to my usual perky self, I believe that I will be one day...sooner rather than later.
2. My job. Still not real happy in that arena. Taking some fledgling steps to try to fix this but I won't say much about that on my blog. Just know it has been and continues to be one of my struggles.


I'm glad to be back. I'm glad to be feeling a glimmer of hope again. Thanks to those to emailed to check on me while I was gone. And, yes, I did end up going to the Biggest Loser casting call. But I'll save that for another post.