Tootsies in the Pool

In addition to a community workout center, my townhouse complex also has a community pool. I have been wanting so badly to try it out. It's brutally hot here in Texas plus I just enjoy the weightless experience of being in the water. But get in a bathing suit in public? Hellz no. I do get in my a bathing suit to do water aerobics but I can only stand it because all the other class members are also either obese or elderly. But to swim around in a pool surrounded by pretty people? I don't think so.

A couple weeks ago I decided I wanted to try pool walking for exercise. So I waited til it was dark and I felt pretty sure that no one else would be there and did a few laps. I did several laps but it made me sad. I was turning myself into a freak not fit to be seen in the light of day. I didn't like the feeling. At all. But I'm still not comfortable at this size going out there in front of others.

Yesterday after I exercised I was so tempted by the pool that I had to at least dip a toe in. No one else was there so I just took off my shoes and socks, sat on the edge, and dipped my tootsies in the pool. The water felt so nice. The sky was blue and the sun felt good. I just wish I felt free enough to dive on in and really enjoy myself.

Fitting in. Not feeling embarrassed about my body. Two things I don't have right now but desperately wish I did.

What's Cooking?: 8 Ball Squash

I've been checking out the local farmer's market most Saturday mornings after my Weight Watchers meeting. This past weekend I was buying zuchini when the farmer told me to try this squash, which he called 8 Ball Squash, a reference to its shape, no doubt.

So he talked me into it and I went home and prepared it according to his suggestion - a little salt, pepper, garlic, parmesan, and tossed on the grill. I don't have a real grill so George Foreman would have to do. George didn't quite give it the nice grill marks I was hoping for. It pretty much tasted like a regular old zuchini to me. So nothing exciting here. Just a fun shape. Which happened to be enough that day to get me to eat a veggie with my meal which might not have happened otherwise, so I guess that is good.

Weigh in: 1.2 gained, 176.8 to go

Busy day yesterday kept me from posting weigh in results. I gained 1.2 pounds. Frustrating. I knew it probably wasn't going to be good when I saw that my ankles had been swollen and puffy for two days. Retaining water again. I had a work function that lasted two days - Thursday and Friday - which included food and alcohol. I don't drink alot so when I drink even one or two it affects my body.



I'm frustrated with myself. But I'm back at it now. Drinking lots of water. Tracking my points. Walking. The goal this week is consistency. I have to do these things most days, preferably every day in order to get the results I want.



Yesterday I decided to check out our community workout room. It's pretty well-equipped. I should take advantage of it more. I just don't like exercising in front of others these days. But I went ahead and did it anyway. Wasn't as embarrassing as I thought it would be. There were a couple other folks in there and they were as friendly as they could be. If they were judging me, they hid it well.

Gotta keep it up!

Close But No Cigar

My goal this week was to lose 3.4 pounds and break that elusive 10 pound mark. I got real close, but not quite. I lost 3 pounds this morning. I'm not the least bit upset. I put my mind to having a good loss this week and I did. So what if it was 0.4 less than what I was shooting for. Three pounds makes me happy. And it motivates me to keep going. And it shows me that I can do it, if I just DO IT!

The Kindle will have to wait for when I get out of the 3's. I was looking forward to having it this week, but that's OK. It's kinda fun having a carrot out there.

That said, 10 pounds WILL be mine next week come hell or high water!

Kiss My Ass, Josh Groban

OK, that post title has absolutely nothing to do with this post. It was my favorite Sue Sylvester quote from the Glee finale. Could I love her more? No. No I could not. She makes the show for me. Sue and the little gay guy. My faves.

Anyway, I fell down on my mission today. It was just a long day. Work all day. School for 4 hours. Just getting home. I didn't plan well enough today. I could have done it if I had planned well enough.

Going to hit the hay now and do better tomorrow.

A Quickie Because I Said I Would

I forgot to deep breathe today. Still food was OK. Exercise, 15 minutes.

Now am off to watch Glee season finale. Sue Sylvester is my idol.

Survived Monday

Back to work today. More news and changes at work. Ch-ch-ch-changes. Trying to stay positive they will be good changes. Time will tell.

Work tends to be a struggle for me in the eating department. I will say my day wasn't quite as stellar as the last two (I went over my points) but it was much better than most of my recent workdays. And I don't think I went far enough over to mess me up too bad on Sunday, especially if I am more mindful tomorrow.

Need to figure out how to handle the anxiety of the changes and unknowns going on right now. It's not going to change any time soon. And I am SO ready for that kind of stuff to stop being an excuse for me to sabotage the things I want the most.....to be healthy...to have a life...to wear cute clothes...to feel good.

Plan for tomorrow: When I feel anxiety I am going to set the timer on my computer for 5 minutes and do deep breathing. I am hoping taking this time to slow down and breathe will help me get it together and avoid doing something stupid with food.

Another Successful Day

Sunday's in the record books. Another success. Five more days til I make my 10 pound milestone.

Tomorrow I'm going to focus on getting more water in and eating a bit less salty stuff (today's snack was peanut butter pretzels...tasty, but salty). I don't want to mess up my weigh in with some crazy water retention so I gotta drink up! My plan to increase my water is to decrease my Diet Coke consumption. I drink WAY too may each day. Some days at work I drink no water, only Diet Cokes. They are my source of morning caffeine and I'm not ready to cut them out completely. My goal is to only have 2 in the morning and 1 in the afternoon. Three probably seems like alot to many of you, but that is cutting back for me. Bad, I know.

I've been thinking about a comment of Shelley's about coming up with a reward for myself if I make it to my 10 pound milestone this weekend. She's onto something. I do have my "magic number" goals that I plan on rewarding myself for (see sidebar). Ten pounds is not one of my magic numbers. But I've struggled with making any progress at all, maybe I do need to make a celebration of 10 pounds.

So, for this week and this week only, I am putting a carrot out there for myself. I have been wanting a Kindle. I had planned on that being my reward when I get out of the 300's. I've decided if I make it to 10pounds THIS SATURDAY, I will get the Kindle as a reward. If I don't make it this week, I'll have to wait.

So there ya go. Thanks for the idea, Shelley. And especially thank you if I achieve my goal and get to treat myself earlier than I had planned.

Saturday Success, Six Days To Go

I'm committed to hitting the 10 pound mark this week in my weigh in. And I promised myself I would do what I needed to do every day until then to make it happen. That includes posting every day to keep accountable. No self-sabotage this week!

I am happy to report that Saturday was a success. I tracked my points, stayed within my points target, walked my dog outside for 10 minutes and walked myself on the treadmill for 15.

It was a struggle, I am not gonna lie. I went out running errands yesterday afternoon and found myself getting too hungry. Was all I could do not to hit the drive through and go crazy. When I get too hungry, I sometimes start to feel panicky to the point that when I start eating I feel like I need to eat ALOT to quell the hunger andand the panic. But I was able to talk myself down, mostly because I didn't want to come here and report that I had blown the first day already.

Now, bring on Sunday!

Weigh in: 3.4 lost, 178.6 to go

Well, I made a decent dent in that ridiculous gain I had last week by losing 3.4 this week. I did a little better on tracking, doing so 3 days out of 7. I could have done better but I let some stressful and emotional changes at work affect me more than I should have and I turned to food to deal.

I am close to striking distance to the 10 pound mark, which I had hoped to achieve a couple of weeks ago. If I can pull off another 3.4 pound loss this week, I will get to 10 pounds. I want this week to be the week it happens. I mentally need to achieve this milestone. Tired of floundering.

I need to prove to myself that I can trust myself. You know those people in your life that make you promises to do something, be somewhere, be on time, etc. but you don't believe them because they never follow through on their promises? Well I am that person to myself. I keep saying I am going do something...walk everyday or track my points, whatever...and then I continually let myself down by not following through. I don't believe myself anymore. I am unreliable. And it needs to change.

As my former husband the former Marine used to say "Don't talk about it, make it happen." This week I am going to make it happen. I want this 10 pound milestone. I am going to do each day what I need to do to achieve my goal. I am going to post everyday between today and next Saturday's weigh in. Hold me to it! I am going to hold myself to it!

Blog Award

Thanks to the lovely Natalia at Embracing the Weightloss Journey for bestowing me with the Beautiful Blogger award. I've never met Natalia in real life but reading her blog I know that she is a wonderful wife and mother and is hella determined to get healthy and lose weight. She's been a good blogger friend of mine pretty much since I started this blogging stuff.

As recipient of the award, I am supposed to pass it on to seven other beautiful bloggers and reveal seven things about me that you may not know.

It's difficult to pick just 7 blogs for this award. I read many blogs all of which inspire me for different reasons. Today I am going to pass this award along to:

1. Sean at The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser. Sean's been around awhile (622 days to be exact) but I am just recently discovering him. He has lost over 250 pounds and is a major inspiration to me. I am in the process of going back and reading through his archives. This guy is the real deal. Down to earth, family guy, motivational. Thank you, Sean, for sharing your story.

2. Shelley at My Journey to Fit. Shelley's amazing. She's lost over 100 pounds and in the process has become a runner! Her comments on my blog are always uplifting and encouraging. She's the success story I'd like to be one day. (Also, I think her dog, Paco, is really cute.)

3. Stephen at Who Ate My Blog. There is seemingly no end to Stephen's positivity and determination. He has lost over 150 pounds so far and just keeps on truckin'. I love that he continues to live and enjoy his life now even though his goal is still ahead of him.

4. Cammy at The Tippy Toe diet. Having lost and maintained 100 pounds, Cammy is another success story that I find completely inspiring. She's another commenter on my blog that always leaves me feeling positive and uplifted. Her blog posts are honest, informative, and she's got a good sense of humor to boot. And, no, those are not her feet.

5. Tony at Tony's Diet Log. I love Tony's honesty in sharing the ups and the downs of this weightloss business. He tells it like it is and his not afraid to use four letter words in his blog. I like that.

6. Lori at Finding Radiance. I look forward to Lori's blog posts for the inspiration of seeing someone who has lost over 100 pounds and is now an athelete. She is a great example of finding balance in life (for example, Bagel Day once a week.) I also love to see what tasty things she is eating and her fuzzy cat, Pixie.

7. Natalia at Embracing the Weightloss Journey. Not sure I am supposed to give this back to the one who gave it to me, but I want to. Natalia was one of the first regular commenters I ever had. And even though I haven't made great progress (on the scale anyway...yet), she's stuck with me all this time. I appreciate her support.

My 7 Things:

1. Five years later, I still have a ridiculous crush on Constantine Maroulis, sixth place finisher in the fourth season of American Idol.

2. I still hold a grudge against Carrie Underwood for winning Constantine's season. And it especially irritates me that I have loved almost every song she has put out.....except for that "Jesus Take The Wheel" mess.

3. At the age of 40, I am battling wrinkles and zits at the same time.

4. I am trying to break my addiction to FarmVille on Facebook.

5. I drink an alarming number of Diet Cokes on a daily basis.

6. My most annoying habit used to be nail-biting. I think it's been overtaken by ice chewing. I am an ice connesieur. Sonic ice? To die for.

7. I love singing along to songs by The Carpenters.