Happy Halloween!!!

Here's a friendly reminder to help you stay on your diet today....

160 Things: Numbers 21 - 25

Continuing my list of 160 Things I Want To Do As I Lose Weight:

21. Walk across the Brooklyn Bridge
One of my dream vacations is to visit NYC. While there I would like to be able to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge, which is just over a mile long, and enjoy the cityscape.

22. Be part of the National Weight Control Registry
The National Weight Control Registry is a study of long-term successful weight loss management. Becoming a member of this registry, which to date has over 5000 members, will indicate an ultimate success for me because in order to be able to be part of this registry you not only have to have lost a significant amount of weight (30 pounds or more) but you also have to have kept it off for 1 year or more.

23. Get back in touch with old college roommates – Lisa, Sharon, Lynette
Lately I have been feeling nostalgic about old friends and have been wanting to look some of them up. I feel too ashamed of myself now for any of them to see me. As I lose weight and become more comfortable I’d like to try to renew ties with some of my old pals.

24. Wear dresses again
I feel decidedly unfeminine at this weight. Regaining my femininity will be feeling good and looking good in dresses again. I used to love to wear nice tailored dresses to work and easy, breezy sundresses on casual days. I want to be able to do that again.

25. Walk a half marathon
I used to love to do things just to say I was able to do it. Walking a half marathon has been a long term goal of mine ever since I discovered a local walking group who was training for one. I would like to get in shape enough to join the group and train with them. I wanna walk 13.2!!!!

Oblivious!

I am not sure how I didn't notice, but I didn't. I guess my miniscule weekly losses had me feeling like I wasn't getting anywhere but I just noticed my own ticker and I am past the 5 pound mark. So zippety-doo-dah for me, I finally get an HYC button!!!!

Lesson of the day: Small losses to eventually add up.

Am I Too Big For The Big Apple?

We have booked tickets for shows for each of the three evenings we will be in NYC. At first I was totally excited about seeing Spamalot, Equus, and Rock of Ages. Now I am worried. Will I fit in the seats? Will the person who has to sit next to me feel like I ruined their evening by encroaching on their space? I hate being this big. I look forward to a time that I never have to worry about this sort of thing.

Weigh in: 0.4 lost, 163.1 to go

I will never understand scales as long as I live. I ate horribly and didn't exercise this week and still some how the scale shows I lost almost half a pound this week. I won't ask how or why, I will just be grateful.

Work was busy and stressful again last week. I was getting home between 8:30 and 9:00 every night so I missed all my water aerobics classes and hit the drive-thru's way more often than I should have.

My weight loss has been at a crawl since recommitting to Weight Watchers. Even though I have been journalling my food and points I am still eating too much on some days. I am OK with that though because what I am doing is a definite improvement from what I was doing when I gained 18 pounds and put myself at a new all time high weight.

I am sort of looking at this like when you are trying to stop your car when you are going 65 you don't just slam on your brakes, you gradually slow the car down. So I am not going to beat myself up because I haven't been able to go from completely terrible habits to perfectly perfect ones. I am improving and that is what matters.

Happy Birthday to Me in NYC!!!!

Next month is my 39th birthday and in celebration I am treating myself to a 4-day weekend in NYC, a place I have ALWAYS wanted to visit. A couple weekends ago I saw a relatively cheap fair to LaGuardia and said to myself, "What the hell!" and I just booked it with no other plan as to who would go with me or anything. I just decided I can't wait on anyone else wanting to do this with me and so I would just do it on my own. And, funnily enough, I now have 3 other friends who are meeting me there for my birthday weekend. So I guess alot of people sit around hoping someone else will suggest something fabulous they can particiate in. Life lesson here, I think. Don 't wait for fun and adventure....make your own!!!!

Added bonus, visiting NYC is #10 on my 160 Things list. Of course, I also said I would wait until I reached 200 pounds but what the heck!

I've Been Tagged

Natalia at Embracing My Weightloss Journey has tagged me to list 6 interesting things about myself. This is gonna be be tough, I'm not all that interesting!

1. My first dog's name was Muffin even though he was a male. Months before we got the dog, my brother and I were watching "Three's Company" and Mrs. Roper got a cute little dog that she named Muffin. We both decided if we ever got a dog that's what we would name it and we did.


2. I can move my eyes independently of each other.


3. I was in college before I ever had a drink or kissed a boy.


4. I refuse to eat mushrooms and can't understand why anyone else wants to eat them...they are FUNGUS for crying out loud!!


5. In high school I loved doing geometry proofs.


6. I worked in a pizza place and at Dairy Queen in college so I know how to toss pizza dough and how to make the DQ curl on top of a cone.

OK, I tag:

Spunky Suzi
DaDiva
No-no to Yo-yo
Scale Junkie

Weigh in: 0.5 lost, 163.5 to go

I was pleasantly suprised this morning to find that I had lost half a pound this week. It was a stressful week full of long work hours at work. I succumbed to some stress eating, failed to find the time to plan my meals or to go to my water aerobics class this week. So half a pound, yeah, I'll take it!

This week I also had my appointment with a shrink about my depression. She gave me a 2 week sample of some meds and I go back at the end of the 2 weeks. So far I am hating these meds. I am sooooooooooooo sleepy on them. Worse than the depression was. She did say to try to stick it out for at least a week because often the side effects will diminish after the first week. I hope so because Friday when I got home from work I slept from 4PM to 8PM, then went to bed at 11PM and slept til 9AM. I got up, went to water areobics, came home and fell asleep for another 4 hours. Sleeping 18 out of 24 is not going to be acceptable. On a positive note, my appetite seems to be greatly dimished on these meds...at least for now.

I have alot to get done today including take my finance exam so I hope today won't be as bad and Friday and Saturday was in terms of sleeping. I'll just have to try to not blink for too long.

Weigh in: 1.5 lost, 164 to go

At the end of my first week recommitted to tracking WW Points, I lost 1.5. I am pretty happy about this. I felt relatively sane about food and got some exercise in. What more can I expect than that? Am planning to commit to the same sanity in the upcoming week. I can do this.

The upcoming week will be a challenge as we are heading into another busy cycle at work. I also have an exam for my finance class at the end of the week which I am not even close to prepared for. So I will just do my best to make lists, prioritize, and focus on just what I am working on at the moment rather than having dozens of different "to-do's" rolling around in my head at once.

Positive Changes

While I really can't say I have lost weight since starting this blog, I did have a NSV (non-scale victory) last week. Last weekend I took my little poochie for a 40 minute walk without back pain. This is a victory because my weight had gotten to the point that walking for longer than 10 or 15 minutes resulted in severe lower back pain so this is huge. And what is most amazing about it (to me at least) is the fact that I am absolutely no lighter than I was than when I was having back pain. I am certain this has everything to do with the water aerobics classes I am taking. Abdominal exercises are always a part of the workout and the strength I have gained seems to be helping my ability to walk for longer periods. I am happy about this because the weather is beautiful here in Texas right now and I want to get out and do more walking. Now I can!!

For anyone who is very overweight or for any other reason suffers pain while exercising "on land", I cannot recommend water aerobics enough. I am so greatful I was able to find a class near me. Water aerobics has really been instrumental in making me feel like I can be more active again. So check your local gyms, YMCA's, and city pools (that's where I found my class) to see if the offer water aerobics. You will be glad you did!

What's New Pussycat?

whoa-whoa-whoa.....Sorry, was temporarily channeling Tom Jones.

So, I've been MIA for a few weeks due to a dead laptop. What is new with me in the meantime? Well, I have been going to water aerobics 4-5 times per week and getting in the occasional walk with my dog. I am feeling pretty good about that. Foodwise...well, as always it's a bit of a struggle.

A while back I said goodbye to Weight Watchers because it was making me feel a little nuts. I had stopped weighing weekly and decided I would just try to eat "intuitively." During this process I gained about 8 more pounds putting me at a new all time high of 333. So, crazy though I may be, I am back to doing Weight Watchers. I am not going to meetings but I have been tracking my food with their online tracker for a couple of weeks now. It's going OK. My eating is not perfect and I do go over my points some days. I just decided not to freak out about it. I am actually finding the online tracking easier to keep up with than writing it down. Plus it makes it easy to look at a high level summary of your week so you can see where you are really blowing it out...what days, what meals, etc.

So that's where I am on the diet and exercise front....I am splish-splashin' away and I am working slowly but surely toward improving my eating habits.

As for the rest of my life, it feels out of control. I try to put on a happy face and force myself to feel well. I have been doing this along time and as time goes by the facade becomes harder and harder to maintain. I am tired and irritable most of the time. I sleep way too much. About half the time I am on the verge of tears. I feel like a ticking time bomb, having emotional outbursts in places that I shouldn't (work), which is pretty unlike me. I feel unmotivated. Not just with weight-loss, but with everything. The smallest things seem like more than I can take on. For example, if the trash is full and needs to go out it takes everything I can muster to get myself to do it. The very idea of having to carry it out my backdoor, across the backyard, and out the back gate to my trash bin just seems like an insurmountable task. It's not a laziness thing. I can't explain what this feeling feels like. But I can tell you what I think it is....depression.

Now before you think this is going to turn into a pity party, it is not. I was treated for depression once before and I think it is back. I am ready to take charge of my health and to get back to feeling myself. I have an appointment next week with a doctor who hopefully can help me. Yes, I feel terrible most of the time but I am grateful that I am aware what is happening to me and that I am going to get help for it.

I'm Back and I'm Public Again

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! Oh joy of joys I have my laptop back after 3 weeks without it. I have missed blogging and keeping up with other bloggers. I have decided to take my blog public again. It's been awhile since the incident that caused me to want to be private. I missed being public and getting the occasional random comment from a reader you didn't even know you had.

No post from me today though. I am off to see how my blogging buddies have been doing.

Just a Quick Note...

I have not fallen off the face of the earth. I am currently without a computer at home. It's been out for warranty service for 3 weeks now. This was a 3 month old laptop. I'm never buying HP again!!!!!!!

On the weightloss front I have not made a lot of progress on the scale but I have been keeping some consistent exercise going and slowly but surely I am regaining control of my eating habits too.

I hope to have my laptop back again soon. My company monitors internet usage very closely so I don't get to pop on and check how everyone is doing. I am at the public library right now but it's rare for me to have time during library hours to get here.

Anyhoooooo....just letting you all know I am still alive and kicking. Take care and I hope to back in the blogosphere soon!