160 Things: Numbers 1 - 5

I have been working on a list. It's a list of different things I want to do, try, experience, or accomplish as I work on losing this weight. It's a way to remind myself why I am endevouring to lose this weight. My list is 160 things long - 1 for every pound I have to lose. The list has small everyday things. And it has big, extravagant, once-in-a-lifetime things. The common thread among all of them is that my weight holds me back from doing them. I am either truly held back physically because of my weight. Or I hold myself back because of fear of embarrassment, failure or judgment of my weight. My list signifies that I want to live my life WHILE I lose weight. I don't want to keep my life on hold as I lose weight.

I'll be posting this list a few at a time, because let's face it, who wants to read a 160 item list? ;)

So here we go with the first 5. And these are in no particular order.

1. Give and get hugs freely without worrying that people are feeling my fat.
I find that I have very little physical contact with people. I am not one to hug or be hugged. Not because I don't want to, but because I feel self-conscious about it. And it's not just the fear of someone feeling my fat, it's the feeling that I am just so IMMENSE compared to other people. I am a tall girl as well as a big girl and it makes me feel like a mountain. And so my largeness compared to others of "normal" size makes me feel awkward when it comes to hugging.

2. Wear a belt.
Even in my thinner days, I was always thick-waisted and never wore belts. I want to whittle my waist down to where I am confortable adorning it with a fabulous belt.

3. Sit comfortably in a booth at a restaurant.
I remember before I put on this much weight, I had friends who were heavier than me. When we went out to eat they would always ask the waitress to seat us at a table rather than a booth. I never understood why until I gained this weight. It was because they were afraid they wouldn't fit or if they did they would be uncomfortable. It's funny the things we take for granted when we are smaller.

4. Get back in touch with friends (L & S) that I have avoided since gaining weight.
L and his wife S are friends of mine from 15 years back. L was always like the big brother I never had. He and S were relocated for his job to another city about 8 years ago. Recently we got back in touch through email and I'd dearly love to go visit them as they have invited me to do. I just can't bring myself to face them at this weight.

5. Hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and back out again.
Two years ago my friends and I took a girls weekend to the Grand Canyon. It was my first time there and what an amazing sight it was. My only regret is that I was not in the kind of physical shape that would allow me to take one of the hiking tours down in to the canyon. I'd like to go back again and do what I couldn't do the last time.