Weigh In: 2.2 down, 100.8 to go

Woohoo!!!  I have now OFFICIALLY broken the 100 pound mark AND am just past the halfway point to my goal.  There is something about being halfway that just feels so danged good.  I guess it's knowing that I am on the downhill slide now.  And that I have less to lose than what I have lost so far.  I still have a long way to go but getting this first half knocked out really is a great mental relief.

I feel like I have really got some momentum going so I want to set a short term goal to keep me focused on maintaining the momentum.  My goal is to get under 250 pounds by the end of February.  This equates to a little over 2 pounds per week so is definitely an agressive goal.  But I want to capitalize on my momentum while I can.  When I reach my goal I will be closer to 200 than I am to 300 and that sounds pretty danged good to me.

As for hitting my 100 pound goal, I think that deserves a reward, don't you?  Here is my 100 pounds lost reward.  Ain't she pretty?  Zoom!  Zoom!

Weigh In: 7.5 down, 115.9 to go

Woohoo!  My first weigh-in at home in two weeks and down 7.5 pounds!  Thank you Biggest Loser Fitness Ridge.  I did more than I ever imagined I could during my week there.  And I'm noticing a big difference in my workouts at home now.  Basically it's now kind of hard whining to my trainer during a 45 minute workout when both he and I know I worked out 6 hours a day for a week.  That was my overall lesson learned at Fitness Ridge.  I can do more than I think I can.

With this week's loss, I break out into the 280's and from a BMI perspective I break out of morbid obesity.  Now I am officially categorized as "severely obese".  Still doesn't have a very nice ring to it but I am certainly headed in the right direction.  I am so happy with what I have accomplished so far. 

My birthday is about 7 weeks away.  November 24.  I'm at 86 pounds lost.  I realized that if I can manage to lose 2 pounds/week from now until my birthday I will have lost 100 pounds!  That is going to be my birthday gift to myself.  (And possibly a new car.  My current one is 10 years old and I sort of put the carrot out there for myself that I would get a new car when I lost 100.)

In order to accomplish that goal, I am getting back to daily calorie tracking on MyFitnessPal and upping my exercise.  I am already doing 3 days per week with my trainer at Fitness Together and plan to add 2-3 additional days of cardio on my own in between.  I want to hit that century mark so bad.  And I deserve it!!!!!!!!!!!

Changes I noticed this week:

1. Had to buy new bras.  Am officially a C cup now, down from a D. 
2. I think I saw a guy checking me out at Target yesterday.
3. Feeling strong in the gym.
4. My pants are starting to be loose again.  Not quite ready for a smaller size, but will be soon.
5. Went clothes shopping and actually enjoyed it a little. 

Weigh-in: 1.4 down, 126.4 to go

No picture this week.  My phone battery is dead and I left my charger at work.

I lost 1.4 pounds this week and broke the 75 pound mark.  Very happy with that.  I'm making it a personal goal to have lost 100 pounds by my birthday, which is on November 24.  That's approximately 12 weeks away so should be a doable goal. 

Changes I noticed this week:

• Went out to eat at a Mexican restaurant I was at several months ago and fit in the chairs.  Last time I was there I was squeezed into my chair and felt like an elephant.
• Shopping at Lane Bryant, I was able to fit easily into size 22's.  I was even able to fit in a fitted jacket sized 22.  Much better than when I was busting out of even their larger sizes.  I still remember the experience that prompted me to write this post.

Another Successful Day

Sunday's in the record books. Another success. Five more days til I make my 10 pound milestone.

Tomorrow I'm going to focus on getting more water in and eating a bit less salty stuff (today's snack was peanut butter pretzels...tasty, but salty). I don't want to mess up my weigh in with some crazy water retention so I gotta drink up! My plan to increase my water is to decrease my Diet Coke consumption. I drink WAY too may each day. Some days at work I drink no water, only Diet Cokes. They are my source of morning caffeine and I'm not ready to cut them out completely. My goal is to only have 2 in the morning and 1 in the afternoon. Three probably seems like alot to many of you, but that is cutting back for me. Bad, I know.

I've been thinking about a comment of Shelley's about coming up with a reward for myself if I make it to my 10 pound milestone this weekend. She's onto something. I do have my "magic number" goals that I plan on rewarding myself for (see sidebar). Ten pounds is not one of my magic numbers. But I've struggled with making any progress at all, maybe I do need to make a celebration of 10 pounds.

So, for this week and this week only, I am putting a carrot out there for myself. I have been wanting a Kindle. I had planned on that being my reward when I get out of the 300's. I've decided if I make it to 10pounds THIS SATURDAY, I will get the Kindle as a reward. If I don't make it this week, I'll have to wait.

So there ya go. Thanks for the idea, Shelley. And especially thank you if I achieve my goal and get to treat myself earlier than I had planned.

Saturday Success, Six Days To Go

I'm committed to hitting the 10 pound mark this week in my weigh in. And I promised myself I would do what I needed to do every day until then to make it happen. That includes posting every day to keep accountable. No self-sabotage this week!

I am happy to report that Saturday was a success. I tracked my points, stayed within my points target, walked my dog outside for 10 minutes and walked myself on the treadmill for 15.

It was a struggle, I am not gonna lie. I went out running errands yesterday afternoon and found myself getting too hungry. Was all I could do not to hit the drive through and go crazy. When I get too hungry, I sometimes start to feel panicky to the point that when I start eating I feel like I need to eat ALOT to quell the hunger andand the panic. But I was able to talk myself down, mostly because I didn't want to come here and report that I had blown the first day already.

Now, bring on Sunday!

Weigh in: 3.4 lost, 178.6 to go

Well, I made a decent dent in that ridiculous gain I had last week by losing 3.4 this week. I did a little better on tracking, doing so 3 days out of 7. I could have done better but I let some stressful and emotional changes at work affect me more than I should have and I turned to food to deal.

I am close to striking distance to the 10 pound mark, which I had hoped to achieve a couple of weeks ago. If I can pull off another 3.4 pound loss this week, I will get to 10 pounds. I want this week to be the week it happens. I mentally need to achieve this milestone. Tired of floundering.

I need to prove to myself that I can trust myself. You know those people in your life that make you promises to do something, be somewhere, be on time, etc. but you don't believe them because they never follow through on their promises? Well I am that person to myself. I keep saying I am going do something...walk everyday or track my points, whatever...and then I continually let myself down by not following through. I don't believe myself anymore. I am unreliable. And it needs to change.

As my former husband the former Marine used to say "Don't talk about it, make it happen." This week I am going to make it happen. I want this 10 pound milestone. I am going to do each day what I need to do to achieve my goal. I am going to post everyday between today and next Saturday's weigh in. Hold me to it! I am going to hold myself to it!

2010 Goals

Well, now that I have looked back upon 2009 in two parts and found it to be a not-so-great year for me in many ways, it's time to look ahead to the new year and the new decade and make a plan to make a better life for myself.

The resounding themes for my look back at 2009 were 1) failure at my weight loss goals, 2) not enough living/having fun/being generally negative, and 3) too much work stress (which was not an insignicant contributor to the first two). So, obviously, these will be the things that I will be working on in 2010. On a monthly basis, I will post updates as to my progress on this things. My Goals for 2010 are:

1. I will lose 93 pounds by 1/1/11.
Seems like a random amount of weight to lose, but it will put me at halfway to my final goal. My 2010 weight loss goal is more than twice as big as the goal I wasn't able to achieve in 2009. Am I nuts? Maybe. But what I think happened last year is that by setting my goal (expectations for myself) too low it was easy to let the months slip by with no progress. Didn't lose anything in Janaury? No problem, I can still lose 40 pounds in 11 months. Didn't lose anything in February? No problem, I can still lose 40 pounds in 10 months. You get the picture. And then pretty soon the year is over and no progress is made. So I decided it will be better to go with a bigger, yet still achievable, goal so that I will have to maintain focus on it through out the year in order to achieve it. Ninety-three pounds works out to just under 2 pounds per week in a year, a completely reasonable rate of weight loss.

Specific steps to achieving a 93 pound weight loss in 2010 is:

• Break it down into small goals. Each month I will set a goal weight loss for the month in order to keep me on track towards achieving my goal for the year. For January, my goal is going to be 10 pounds.
• Food. Keep a food journal and track calories. Initially, my goal will be to keep it under 2,500 calories per day. I will reevaluate my calorie level as time goes by and adjust as necessary.
• Exercise. Each month I will set a goal for the amount of time I spend exercising for that month. With a monthly goal I can make adjustments as time goes by and I lose weight and get more fit. For January, my goal is 360 minutes (6 hours). So, on average, I will need to exercise for 20 minutes for 18 days of January. Probably doesn't seem like much to alot of you but at my current weight back pain while exercising is a major problem. Twenty minutes is about as much as I can stand to do. I fully anticipate this will improve greatly as the weight comes off. My exercises of choice for January will be walking outside, walking on my treadmill, stationary cycling at the community clubhouse, and doing EA Sports Active (Wii).
• Measuring Success and Keeping Accountable. I will use a simple monthly calendar to track my daily successes with stickers (yes, I am 40 on the outside and 14 on the inside). One sticker will be for keeping my food journal and staying within my calorie budget for the day. Another sticker will be for any day that I exercise. I'll also track my exercise minutes in the calendar. I will be weighing in on Saturdays and posting results.

2. I will make having fun and relaxing a priority in my life.

My life is chock full of "have-to-do's" and nearly completely devoid of "want-to-do's". This is bullshit. I am 40 years old and if I am not going to start living now, then when? It easier to have enough fun when you are younger and have more time. But now I feel like I need to make an appointment for fun otherwise it's just not going to happen. There is so much I "have-to-do" in my life that unless I make it a point to get to some of my "want-to-do's" it will never happen, as evidenced by the entire year of 2009.

To this end, I will do at LEAST one fun or relaxing thing each week. I am currently working up a list of at least 52 things I can do for fun so I have some ideas to go to rather that sitting around saying, "I'm supposed to be having fun but there's nothing to do!" The sad part is, I am having a hard time coming up with that many. It seems I have been funless for so long I have forgotten how! The list I have so far includes spending a day reading and really enjoying a book cover to cover (instead of just getting a few pages in as I fall into bed exhausted every night), taking a craft class of some kind (crochet maybe?), getting a facial, and a few other things. I am happy to hear any suggestions you have. Nothing is too big or too small. I really do need some help here.

3. I will reduce my work-related stress.

The details on this one I am going to keep to myself for now. Suffice it to say that I am WELL aware the negative impact that too much work stress has had on my life and health and that it needs to change.

Weigh in: 1.6 lost, 178.1 to go

Well, I am inching my way there. Another small loss but it was enough to push me past my first 5 pound goal. Woohoo! I have decided to start a charm bracelet and reward myself with a new charm for every 5 pounds. By the time I am done, I will probably end up with TWO charm bracelets.

I am happy that my weight is going down. I'd like it to be going down a little bit faster than it is. To do that, I need to get back into the exercise habit. I have done basically no exercise for two weeks. That's not good for my weight loss and that's not good for my plan to walk in the Breast Cancer 3 Day in November.

So this week I need to make it my focus to get at least 4 days of exercise in. And in order to do that, I need to be getting enough sleep. Mornings before work are really the only time I consistenly have to do my exercise and I just can't drag myself out of bed at 5AM when I am staying up too late. So my plan for this week is to start winding down at 9PM each night and to be in bed by 9:30, 10 at the latest. This is the schedule I used to keep back when I exercised every single morning before work and back when I weighed 195. Coincidence? I don't think so.

OK, so it's a new 5 pound goal starting this week. Let's see how big a dent I can put in it!

Weigh in: 1.6 gained, 169.6 to go

Another gain this week. No mystery as to why. I am eating way too much. I continue to use food to soothe negative emotions (this week mostly anger and frustration) and it is hurting my health.

When I see that I have nearly 170 pounds to lose I feel both overwhelmed at the work ahead of me and frustrated and disappointed with myself for letting things get so completely out of hand. 170 pounds. My God. What have I done to myself?

I am letting them emotional side of me take control of this weightloss business. I started blogging my journey back in April and have gotten nowhere but even heavier. I have made progress in other areas though - I am exercising more consistently, I am receiving support and information from other weightloss bloggers, and I am becoming more self-aware. And that is great, but it's time for some tangible results on my body!!!

In addition to my emotional side I also have a very strong rational and goal-oriented side. I need to draw on those skills to make the weightloss happen.

Obviously the first thing I need to do is stop focusing on the 170 pounds and start focusing on smaller goals. I also need to set some reasonable timelines for achieving the smaller goals. I do have my Magic Numbers but I have to admit I haven't been thinking about them much so I need to bring them to the forefront again.

My first Magic Number is to get to 308 which would be 25 pounds down (well, now it will actually be 26.6 down but I won't split hairs). Even 25 pounds feels like too big of a number for me to focus on. So here are my shorter goals and the timeframes that will get me to my first Magic Number of 308:

Christmas Goal (5 weeks) - 8 pounds During this time period I have my NYC vacation and Thanksgiving. My plan for NYC is to walk as much as possible to offset any off-plan eating that happens. I am not too worried about Thanksgiving because it is going to be low-key for me this year, just me and my dad. I plan to make my Crustless Pumpkin Pie recipe for dessert. Other Thanksgiving food I don't really have a problem with.

Valentine's Day Goal (8 weeks) - 12 pounds The challenges I will face during this time period will come from work stress as we work on our year end SEC filings. I also plan to be taking 2 classes towards my MBA during the spring semester. I had dropped back to just one this semester but plan to ramp back up again so I can get finished sooner.

St. Patrick's Day Goal (4 weeks) - 5 pounds Challenges related to year end work and school will continue during this time frame.


So this is my roadmap for the next few months to get the first 25 pounds off. The biggest struggle will be to find a new way to deal with negative emotions. And maybe even to address my current life circumstances that are causing me to have so many negative emotions to begin with.