Another month down and it's time for an update. I'll save that for tomorrow though. Instead I want to share something that happened today, some thoughts I have been having, and my plans for March 20.
UNRECOGNIZABLE
I'm a big American Idol fan and I keep a framed picture of me and Simon Cowell's wax figure in my office. It was taken in 2004 during my trip to Europe when we were visiting Madam Tussaud's in London. I was about 195 pounds.
Anyhoo....someone I work with was looking at it and said, "She looks really happy but he looks really grumpy." My co-worker had no idea that that was me in that picture. Apparently I am unrecognizable compared to my former self. Pretty depressing.
DESPERATE THOUGHTS
For the past month or so I have been ruminating on many things...my job and what to do about it, my weight and my seeming inability/unwillingness to change it. I have had many "rock bottom" moments over the past year or so, including the one I just mentioned above. I have thought about those moments and it's made me wonder what exactly is it going to take to get me to change my life? I am at the bottom of the well and I just keep digging.
This has led me to some desperate thoughts lately. I started researching weight loss surgery. I wondered (still do) if I have reached the point that there is no way I will change without some sort of major intervention like surgery. After a few weeks of thinking about it and even planning to attend an informational session with a local surgeon, I decided not to go the surgery route. I had two primary reasons: 1) I'm a big chicken and fear the surgery, and 2) I am not sure it would work for me. I worry I would be one of the ones who figures out how to game it and eat more than I should and get fat again or never lose the weight at all. Or that I would become one of those people you hear of who turn to some other addiction when they are physically incapable of indulging in their food addiction.
So for now, I am off the idea of surgery. But I have not stopped feeling like something drastic is going to need to happen in order to snap me out of it and to take control of my life. What would be drastic and yet does not require the surgical re-routing of my innards? This leads us to....
CASTING CALL
The Biggest Loser is holding casting calls in Dallas on March 20. I am so there. I realize there is only the tiniest of chances that I would be picked. But, if nothing else, it will be something out of the ordinary for me. Some small thing that will shake it up even just a little bit from my normal routine of work, sleep, eat, work, sleep, eat.
I have to fill out an application and then show up to the casting call. Or I could send in an audition video. Or I can do both. I am definitely doing the casting call. If I end up doing a video, I may post in here.
So that's where I'm at these days. We'll talk weighins in the next day or two.
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