Memorial Day and Belated 2nd Blogiversay

It's Memorial Day again which means it's time to thank all the veterans who have sacrificed in defense of our country and freedom.

It's also the unofficial start of summer.

It's also my unofficial blogiversary because I can never remember my real one, which is May 18.

In 2008, shortly after beginning this blog, I posted what Memorial Day (as the unofficial start of summer) meant for an obese person (in summary, sweaty embarrassing fat). At 313 pounds I proclaimed I deserved better summers and that I was on my way to achieving my goals. I posted the question "Where will I be for Memorial Day 2009?"

Cut to 2009. I celebrated my one year blogiversary and noted that I had GAINED 30 more pounds during the course of my first year blogging. I boldly claimed that I had learned 2 lessons in 2009: 1) that I needed to make time for myself and set more boundaries with my work, and 2) that time marches on and that I needed to get rid of my "I can do better" next week mindset. I ended the post with a hope to write a different sort of post for Memorial Day 2010.

Well, here we are. Memorial Day 2010. Ignoring my ridiculous water weight gain this week, I am basically at the exact same weight I was last year at this time...around the mid 340's. I spent the year working working working and sometimes crying over work. And eating over work. Eating to reduce stress. Eating to calm nerves. Eating is what seemed my only source of pleasure in a life filled with obligations.

So, yeah, I think the lessons I learned in 2009 were basically theoretical in nature. I didn't really apply what I had learned. I guess you could say I was "booksmart" when it came to lifestyle change. What I need to have is "common sense". I think I am just now starting to get there slowly.

This blog serves as a blunt reminder to myself that my life is slipping by and I am letting it. My job is still a big challenge. It may get better. A little better. But probably not enough better to really achieve the balance I am looking for. So I am working on some things there that aren't going as quickly as I would like, but I am working on it. In the meantime, I am back to Weight Watchers and I am slowly changing my ways and learning patience. Because for all the "hurrying" and thoughts of "I have to lose weight RIGHT NOW" over the past 2 years, I have pretty much gotten no where.

So this year I am going to try slow and patient and see where that gets me for my 2011 Memorial Day post.

Memorial Day and Belated Blogoversary

So I missed my official blogoversary date - May 18. I guess I will have to give myself the silent treatment and make myself sleep on the couch this week.

When I started this blog a year ago I was desperate. I had recently shocked myself by surpassing the 300 pound mark - something I never thought would happen. I was around 315 when I started this blog.


Here I am a year later. I would not have believed you then if you told me then that over the course of the year I would have:

• 90+ people following my blog


• anyone commenting on anything I wrote


• published my face on my blog


• made real connections with real people that I hope to meet in real life someday


• gained another 30+ pounds (Yep, I gained weight while writing a weightloss blog)

So, I have struggled for a couple of days with what to write for my belated Blogoversary. I have read alot of Blogoversary posts where people exclaim over how much their lives have changed for the better and all the things they can do now that they couldn't before. I wish I could write a post like that. But, my life isn't different. In fact, physically, it's a little worse. So what lessons have I learned over this past year that will help me to be able to write a different sort of post this time next year? Two important ones actually:

1. Make time for yourself. I spent this past year making my work and school the end-all be-all of my life. I am not going to lose 180 pounds spontaneously. It has to be a priority in my life. I need to set boundaries with these other things in my life that demand my time and attention so that I can take care of myself.


2. Time marches on. I have to get out of the mindset of thinking I can do better "next week." Next week I'll exercise more. Next week I'll eat better. Next week I'll have more time. All those "next weeks" added up to a year (and an extra 30 pounds) before I knew it. I only have right now to improve myself and I have to take advantage of it.
   

Now, I leave you with my

Memorial Day post from last year. My sentiments are the same this year. My intention is to be able to write a different sort of post next year.

Memorial Day

Memorial Day. Officially, it's the day we remember and honor those who have made the ultimate sacrifice for our country and for our freedom.

Unofficially, it's the beginning of summer. Ah, summer. Longer days, sunshine, swimming, vacations, picnics, baseball games, shorts, sleeveless shirts, bathing suits, relaxation. Right? Not if you weigh 313 pounds. I dread summer every year and every year I say it will be my last "fat summer." For me summer is oppressive heat, sweating at the slightest exhertion, rashes, being stuffed into hot jeans rather than tiny shorts or a willowy cotton sundress, staying inside as much as possible, and avoiding social invitations that might put me in an embarrassing spot (think pool party).

I deserve better summers than this. I deserve to wear shorts again. And cute, femine sundresses. I deserve to show my arms and my legs without shame. I deserve to go to picnics, BBQs, baseball games, pool parties without the fear that my rivers of sweat and mounds of fat will repulse all who see me.

I am on my way to achieving this freedom for myself. This is Memorial Day 2008. I weigh 313.2 pounds. Where will I be on Memorial Day 2009? What will my physical body be like? What will my life look like? How will they be different than the way they are today? Stay tuned......