In addition to a community workout center, my townhouse complex also has a community pool. I have been wanting so badly to try it out. It's brutally hot here in Texas plus I just enjoy the weightless experience of being in the water. But get in a bathing suit in public? Hellz no. I do get in my a bathing suit to do water aerobics but I can only stand it because all the other class members are also either obese or elderly. But to swim around in a pool surrounded by pretty people? I don't think so.
A couple weeks ago I decided I wanted to try pool walking for exercise. So I waited til it was dark and I felt pretty sure that no one else would be there and did a few laps. I did several laps but it made me sad. I was turning myself into a freak not fit to be seen in the light of day. I didn't like the feeling. At all. But I'm still not comfortable at this size going out there in front of others.
Yesterday after I exercised I was so tempted by the pool that I had to at least dip a toe in. No one else was there so I just took off my shoes and socks, sat on the edge, and dipped my tootsies in the pool. The water felt so nice. The sky was blue and the sun felt good. I just wish I felt free enough to dive on in and really enjoy myself.
Fitting in. Not feeling embarrassed about my body. Two things I don't have right now but desperately wish I did.
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13 comments:
I hear you. I really do. I wear a bathing suit on vacation in February in a place nobody (except my husband) knows me or will ever see me again. What I've come to realize is that nobody cares. There are people of all sizes there and no one cares what anyone else looks like. That doesn't translate to me to my own community. I still avoid coming out in a bathing suit in public , but I know I should really get over it. Your townhouse community sounds like a real great set-up!
the walking is so good for you especially in all that heat. I go swim at night because its quiet and I like that.
I totally get what you're saying. A part of me is afraid that when I reach my goal weight, I'll still be too afraid to wear a suit, that I won't have the confidence needed. Is there some way you can work yourself into it, like wearing shorts and a tank top to go hang out by the pool? So you can get to the point where you're comfortable with yourself and you realize that those around you really don't care.
I haven't been in a swimsuit, much less one in public for years! Sometimes I get a whiff of a chlorine pool and long to be able to get in. Best I remember, I enjoyed that! I have missed so much in my fat suit.
Regardless of your size, be that confident person that people enjoy being around! It makes all the difference if you walk into the pool area, head held high, and casually walk down the stairs of the pool into the cool water, with a big smile on your face. A smile that invites friendships. You might find that you'll start looking forward to your pool times because some of the same new friends will be there at the same time every day. Smile! Enjoy!
To add to what Miki observed, it's more an emotional state of mind (being comfortable with your body in a bathing suit) than a physical state of being. Whether one can pinch an inch (or three or five) or can grab a roll, the confidence has to be within. Do I have it? Heck no. I'm probably at some people's goal weight, but all I see is the 30 pounds. I've had to convince myself just to wear shorts this summer. Wear a bathing suit? Heck no. Maybe 10 pounds from here.
I completely understand where you are at. My complex has a pool too and every weekend when my kids want to go I cringe, thinking of having to be in a bathing suit around all those people. I have just started this journey of mine, but we CAN get to a place where we feel good about ourselves, I know we can!!! HUGS!!!
I've got my share of bathing suit paranoia too, and I've been at my goal weight for ten years, so, really, why wait? If you avoid doing an exercise you love then you're hurting your weight loss program. Don't let yourself get caught in a catch-22 - not swimming because you're embarassed of your body, and not able to change your body because you can't swim. You love it. Do it.
I so understand where you are...living in Texas and NOT being able/letting myself go swimming has been miserable. Now I would, but people are so used to me turning down pool invites that I'm still not swimming!
Glad you stuck your toes in the pool. Next time, shins, baby!
I live in Austin where it's hot! What I've been doing is on my way to my walking I drop off a book, my keys and my towel at my complex pool. After walking, I take my shoes, socks and visor off and get in the water IN my clothes.
I'm not ready to be in a bathing suit and I just don't want to deal with that now. No one cares! Just an idea and it is sooo much more lovely than just sticking my toes in. I love the feeling of being a mermaid! Thinking of you!!
I can identify with the swimsuit 'thing.' My suit sits folded up in the dresser drawer. I still avaiod the pool...and I am much smaller than I was the last time I entered a pool!
I wish I was more confident. We'll work on this one together!
I can relate... It's different when you're in an aqua class to swimming in public. I'm okay swimming with friends in a private pool, but I would probably feel very conspicuous at a public pool. I might still do it though... One of my missions in life is to overcome these fears. I
Bathing suits are a big one to conquer. Here in the Northeast, we only have three hot months a year. The rest of the months we are covered by layers of clothing. Suddenly we are supposed to feel comfortable stripping practically naked and parade around in public in something resembling under garments.
I solved my issue a few years ago by wearing the equivalent of lycra capris (to cover up my larger, jiggly half of my body) under my suit so I would not feel exposed. Now manufacturers, like Junonia.com, make all types of swim suits/dresses/pants that cover up a bit more.
Even though we are bigger people, we should not punish ourselves by not allowing ourselves to enjoy life or pursue those things that will make us happy. I'm with Splurgie's comment -- no one cares. They may look for a minute, but don't we all?
Give yourself permission to enjoy your life.
take care -- Dee
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