Day 8: Help Me Please; Day 9: Here's What I Want

Days 8 and 9 of "100 Days of Weightloss" kind of go together so I thought I'd combine them in one post.

In Day 8, "Help Me Please", the discussion is about getting the support we need from the people around us. Often times people do and say all the wrong things, thinking they are helping us. They might question what we are eating and if we should be eating it, give us advice on one diet plan or another, or comment on our weight losses or gains. Some of us appreciate these comments and see them as help. Others of us just find these types comments frustrating or hurtful. The thing is, most of the time people don't know the right thing to do or say to give support. In order to get the support we need, we need to decide what EXACTLY it is we need for support and then communicate that to people around us. If they care about us they want to help so we need to tell them how they can. Deciding exactly what we need entails knowing the things we want people to do or say to help us as well as the things we never want to hear. Once we have decided what we need, it is up to us to communicate our needs.

In Day 9, "Here's What I Want", there is a list of questions to help us figure out what we want in different situations. Here are a few of them:

If you see me eating something that's not on my diet plan....

For me, I don't want any sort of comment about this from anyone. I know what I should and shouldn't be eating so I do not need it pointed out to me. It only makes me feel shamed and rebellious.

When I am making progress, such as losing weight....

This one is really touchy for me. I have noticed in the past that when I have lost enough for it to be noticable I will get lots of comments from people and then I start to sabotage myself. What I came to realize is that knowing that so many people were noticing and watching me I began to feel lots of pressure. I felt like I was going to fail, yet again, in front of everyone. And so I would sabotage myself. I guess I was afraid to have more success because then it would be an even bigger failure in front of all if I gained the weight back. Better to gain back 25 pounds than 100 I guess was my logic, if you could call it that. Having people commenting on my weightloss also makes me feel ashamed. If they notice I am losing weight, that also means they noticed I am fat and that makes me feel ashamed and embarrassed. So I prefer that if you are my co-worker or some other casual acquaintance, I do not want you not make any reference to changes in my weight. If you are a close friend who I know cares about me and wants the best for me, I would like it if you compliment my progress as long as it is not in front of others.

When I am struggling or gaining weight...

Again, if you are not a close personal friend of mine then keep your thoughts to yourself, please. If you are a close personal friend, particularly if you have had your own weight struggles, I would be OK with you asking me how things are going. Please don't lead with a comment about my actual weight gain. Trust me, I know I have gained. Maybe just ask me how things are going with my plan or my exercise routine as a way to open the door.

A situation not from the book but I am sure we all have encountered, especially during holiday times:

When I am doing well sticking to my eating plan...

Please do not push food on me. No, I can't have "just one". No, I can't have a day off. Yes, I appreciate that you made it just for me because you love me but I am trying to make changes to my life. You can show your love for me by supporting my choices rather than making it more difficult for me to stand by my healthier choices.


The real trick after identifying what you need is to communicate it those around you who need to hear it. That's the toughie, isn't it? In particular, I remember a discussion with a friend of mine at work about commenting on my weightloss. I had lost quite a bit and was looking good and everyone at work kept complimenting me. I told my friend that I wished everyone would stop making comments. At first she pretty much thought I was a jerk for saying that because everyone was being so nice to me. Once I explained to her that I knew people were trying to be nice but that it made me feel pressure and like the spotlight was on my weight, she better understood where I was coming from.


What kind of support do you want any of the situations I mentioned? Are there other situations where there is a specific kind of support you need?