I have been asked to be the godmother of my cousin's baby. I have not been close with this cousin in about 20 years...since we were kids, really. We recently reconnected through the internet to the delight of both of us. However, I feel uncomfortable accepting this request. We still live half a country away from each other. I just don't see how I could be the best choice for this.
Is it horrible to turn someone down when they ask you to be a child's godparent? Has anyone ever done this? Or have you had someone turn you down? I really don't want to be an a-hole here. I have no idea how to handle this one.
About Me
- Deb
- Texas, United States
- I am now a 42 year old single woman who is losing the fat and gaining a life! I have struggled all my life with my weight eventually found myself with over 200 pounds to lose. It was keeping me from living the life that I deserve. It was time to change that. Contact Me: sheddingmyfatsuit at gmail dot com
March 2010
350ish pounds
Thanks Natalia!
Rest in peace, Bethany.
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13 comments:
I think anymore it's more of a way of honouring someone you love more than truly having a religious significance. I wouldn't think she's intending for it to mean more than that. Personally, being that I have no religious inclination at all I would refuse and let them know it's because I would feel like a hypocrite making a religious vow about something I don't believe in but let them know how honoured I was that they asked.
oh dear. I have absolutely no idea what to say here. SORRY! What a sticky situation. I'm sure you'll make the right decision for *you*.
I would just tell them that you don't see how you would be able to be the godparent you could since you live so far away and are just now beginning to rebuild that relationship.
Sure, today being a godparent isn't the same as it used to be; but I know for me it really is a blessing to have my two goddaughters. If I hadn't been up for the job, though, I would have politely declined.
I did decline with another friend of mine. In both cases the job of being godparent also came with the role of being guardian should something happen to the parents (this isn't always the case anymore, but it was in these two). When the second friend asked me, I told her I had to decline because, worse case scenario, I would quickly increase my family by 2 from one and 3 from another. Too much to take on.
Ask her what her expectations of a godparent are. If they are low enough, you could accept.
When my sister's children were born, I was single and struggling to get by. It made no sense for me to be the godparent to her kids, as I couldn't possibly have raised them if something had to happen to my sister and her husband. Instead they chose my brother-in-law's sister and her husband, who have raised their own kids and who are financially well-off. I've never felt slighted by that decision.
If you're apprehensive, discuss it with your cousin. Being a godparent is about so much more than buying presents and sending cards...
Hi Deb!
What a tough situation. As another commenter suggested, I would talk to the mother about her expectations and your concern that distance would make it hard to be a meaningful part of the baby's life.
Hope things at work are lightening up some for you!
Wow. i honestly have no idea how I would respond. I have a cousin that I've recently been nice to (wouldn't say reconnected) and if she asked me, I'm not sure I could say yes...
I think the "position" of a godparent and their role isn't what it used to be.
Unless you don't want much to do with this cousin, I would consider it a compliment and go with it ;) but seriously, it has to be your decision.
I think if your not comfortable with it, just be honest and say no. Honesty is always best!!
It does seem a little odd, since you haven't been close with your cousin for a long time, but maybe she would like for that to change, and this is her way of expressing that. It generally is an honorary position to be godmother, although I admit, my best friend is my children's godmother and their legal guardian, should anything befall me and my husband. But that required legal papers, not just being present at a christening. You could ask her: tell her you're flattered by her request, but you want to make sure what it entails, so that you will know if you are able to fufill the full obligation.
I mean, will you need a wand and a pumpkin, perchance? Good luck!
Maybe your cousin just wants to create a link between her child and your side of the family. It could be something as simple as that. Perhaps she is not close to her own family (I'm totally guessing here, of course).
But I agree with everyone else - just tell her that you are so honored but you know that the role of godmother can mean different things to different people, and you would only want to do it if you were sure you could meet her expectations, blah blah.
You should definitely find out what her expectations are. Then you can decide from that if you should or should not undertake it. I had a cousin ask me to consider being the legal guardian of her daughter, and I had to tell her no. I told her I didn't think that I could take on the addt'l responsibility with my own children. Don't be afraid to nicely say no if you don't feel you can do it.
Bethany
I think that in this case, however hard, honesty is the best policy. As a God-parent, there may be other responsibilities involved or expectations of you. Not just one of those things you say yes to and then forget about. At least I don't think it is... Maybe you should talk more with your cousin and see what they think the role of God-parent is! Good luck! It's nice that she loves you so much that she wants you to be an important part of her and her child's life!
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