Hiatus schmiatus. I lasted a week away from blogging. What brings me back today is a new feature I will be adding to my blog - and exercise log that will document my feelings, both physical and emotional, as I attempt to add regular exercise and (hopefully) increase my fitness. The particular perspective I want to bring out is what it is like when you are starting out very heavy and exercise is truly difficult, if not painful, for you.
I have not been very consistent with my exercise because it is just plain HARD at this weight. I feel physical pain when doing it and it wears me out something fierce. Of course it does. Everything I do I am doing with another person...a large one at that....strapped to my back. Knowing this, it can be difficult to convince myself to get up and do it. But I have to if I am going to get stronger, improve my fitness, and walk 60 MILES in November!
I used to be very fit and it is discouraging to me to see how far I have backslid in my fitness as my weight has gone up. I want my fitness back. And I want to document the process for myself and for others who might be in the same position I am. I am hoping by doing this log it will help me to see ways in which I am improving.
And so I bring you my very cleverly titled "Exercise Log #1"
Time: 1:30PM
Goal: walk for 1 hour
Achieved: walk for 30 minutes
Pace: Dunno…pedometer battery is dead
Avg heart rate: 128
Physical: At just the 4 minute point my lower back was protesting. I did the best I could to keep going, but had to stop frequently to lean on a fence or a mailbox to take the pressure off my back. My hip joints and upper quads were feeling really taxed. I had to cut my walk short at 30 minutes not because I was out of breath but because my back just could not take it anymore.
Emotional: Scared. I am young but my body feels so broken down and incapable. Walking is hard for me. How many more pounds before I would be immobilized? Embarrassed. There were lots of people out and about on my walk today and for the first time I can remember I was embarrassed to be seen out exercising, walking my super slow pace while panting, sweating, and limping. I hate to think how I looked to these people. Disappointed. I was unable to complete my goal and, more importantly, I was unable to enjoy my walk and the gorgeous weather we had today because I was in pain.
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I LOVE your new exercise log and adore the emotional column.
IMO that will be the key to getting back to your previous fitness level! (and remember that our muscles have memory as well..you WILL GET back there and more quickly that someone who had never been fit before!!)
Glad to see you're back from hiatus. I think it always helps to blog, no matter what (this coming from someone that abandons blogs, then deletes them, lol)
I loved you honesty in talking about your exercise. Just think about how in a few months you'll be like "wow look how far I've come" :)
Deb, good for you getting started exercising! I am so proud of you and I'm happy you are back! Don't be too disappointed that you didn't meet your first goal. You got out and DID it and that's the great thing. Hang in there, sista!
Bethany
I loved how you added your exercise and how you are feeling in your blog. I was at 305 and now I am at 267. I still hurt from exercising and sometimes I just give myself a break that day. Don't beat yourself up. You are doing great. Baby steps is all it takes. Keep up the good work. You are doing wonderful. Have a fantastic week.
I enjoyed reading your blog this morning. You've posted many of the same things I feel, and it's nice to know I'm not alone.
I want to get into running, but I have a lot more weight to lose and need to tackle longer distance walking before THAT ever happens! lol
Keep on keeping on! You CAN do this!:)
Good for you for getting back into exercising! The exercise log is such a great idea - I'm sure it will be a great resource and inspiration for you and for others . . . I for one am really looking forward to reading about your progress.
You've described the feeling of trying to get started at a high weight so well . . . I felt exactly the same way last January! I remember being totally exhausted after my walks, and being so frustrated that I was not capable of doing my old route from 2006.
It definitely got a little easier every day, and each improvement felt great. You'll be doing that hour sooner than you think!
As for what others may think . . . you are beautiful, and you are giving yourself the gift of fitness by getting out there to walk . . . and that is exactly what anyone with any common sense will see. I also felt self-conscious when I got started, but the only thing I ever got from uber-fit runners as I huffed and puffed my way up the big hill in Central Park behind the Met was a smile and a thumbs-up.
If your pedometer isn't working, you might want to check out mapmyrun.com . . . the site lets you plot any route you follow and tells you the distance.
Thanks, everyone, for your supportive comments.
I really, really, really relate to your exercise troubles. I also relate to your emotional struggles. The part of exercise I take to movtivate me to get to the gym is the emotional relief I get from a workout. Everytime it relieves a bit of the weight on my soul. I encourage you to find the natural anti-depressant in exercise. I cannot rationalize going to the gym with the pain it causes just for weight loss, but I can when I keep the emotional stuff as the main goal. I like your honesty with the word SCARED. That is a fabulous step in the right direction.
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